This fixes#3518, and ensures that we get useful logs and metrics for lots of
things that happen in the background.
(There are certainly more things that happen in the background; these are just
the common ones I've found running a single-process synapse locally).
Instead of calculating the size of the cache repeatedly, which can take
a long time now that it can use a callback, instead cache the size and
update that on insertion and deletion.
This requires changing the cache descriptors to have two caches, one for
pending deferreds and the other for the actual values. There's no reason
to evict from the pending deferreds as they won't take up any more
memory.
We change it so that each cache has an individual CacheMetric, instead
of having one global CacheMetric. This means that when a cache tries to
increment a counter it does not need to go through so many indirections.
