Speed up get_unread_event_push_actions_by_room (#13005)

Fixes #11887 hopefully.

The core change here is that `event_push_summary` now holds a summary of counts up until a much more recent point, meaning that the range of rows we need to count in `event_push_actions` is much smaller.

This needs two major changes:
1. When we get a receipt we need to recalculate `event_push_summary` rather than just delete it
2. The logic for deleting `event_push_actions` is now divorced from calculating `event_push_summary`.

In future it would be good to calculate `event_push_summary` while we persist a new event (it should just be a case of adding one to the relevant rows in `event_push_summary`), as that will further simplify the get counts logic and remove the need for us to periodically update `event_push_summary` in a background job.

synapse/storage/database.py

@@ -92,6 +92,7 @@ UNIQUE_INDEX_BACKGROUND_UPDATES = {
     "event_search": "event_search_event_id_idx",
     "local_media_repository_thumbnails": "local_media_repository_thumbnails_method_idx",
     "remote_media_cache_thumbnails": "remote_media_repository_thumbnails_method_idx",
+    "event_push_summary": "event_push_summary_unique_index",
 }