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214 lines
8.4 KiB
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From: Alan Lustiger <alu@pruxp.pr.att.com>
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Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
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Subject: 25 QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ABOUT THE "ATOM BOMB"
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Message-ID: <S4dc.13e2@looking.on.ca>
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Date: Tue, 12 Jan 93 4:30:03 EST
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Lines: 209
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25 QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ABOUT THE "ATOMIC BOMB"
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1. Is there any evidence that a thermonuclear device exploded over
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Hiroshima in 1945?
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No, absolutely none. According to leading historians and physicists,
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the thermonuclear bomb was not invented until years after the supposed
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detonation over Japanese territory.
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2. Is there any evidence that a uranium-based "atom bomb" was ever dropped
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onto Nagasaki, Japan?
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Absolutely not. While many historians and journalists made this claim
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in the late 40's and early 50's, everyone now agrees that no such
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bomb ever exploded over Nagasaki. Yet there are some who still stubbornly
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cling to this supposed "fact."
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3. What are the materials needed to make an "atom bomb?"
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Uranium-238 and plutonium-239.
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4. Aren't these materials radioactive?
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Highly so. Anybody who attempts to use these materials is endangering
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his/her life.
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5. Is it likely that nuclear scientists in the 40's would be
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handling uranium and plutonium?
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This would be highly unlikely. Very few people felt so threatened
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by the Japanese to be willing to risk their lives on a theoretical
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chance of a superbomb that could end a far-away war a little sooner.
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6. Aren't there witnesses to the atomic bomb in Hiroshima?
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The only "witnesses" that could possibly survived this supposed
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explosion would have been blinded by the intense flash of light,
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so their testimony is quite unreliable and contradictory.
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7. According to conventional historians, was the uranium bomb tested
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before supposedly being dropped over Hiroshima?
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No. There was no testing whatsoever of a uranium bomb in Alamogordo
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or anywhere else before Hiroshima.
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8. Isn't that strange?
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Yes. Typical weapons are tested for months and years before deployment;
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there is no other weapon that according to the accepted "facts" deployed
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before any testing whatsoever.
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9. How many witnesses are there for all of the atomic tests allegedly
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occuring during the fifties and sixties?
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Very few, perhaps a few hundred, who claimed to have seen them.
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10. What did the General Advisory Committee of the Atomic Energy
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Commission say in their report of October 30, 1949?
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They recommended strongly against the development of what they
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called the "Super Bomb," which is simply a thermonuclear
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bomb. They said that "A super bomb might become a weapon of
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genocide."
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11. Isn't this four years after Hiroshima and Nagasaki?
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Yes. Obviously development of nuclear weapons occurred well
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after their supposed implementation in 1945.
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12. Is radioactivity dangerous?
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Everything is radioactive to some extent.
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13. What was the triggering method of the bomb that supposedly
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was dropped on Hiroshima?
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According to the standard historical accounts, it used a gun-
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assembly trigger.
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14. Wasn't the gun-assembly method of triggering abandoned
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in the design stage?
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Yes; according to these same sources the gun method would not
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work with uranium-derived plutonium-239 because some of the
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plutonium-239 absorbs a neutron to become plutonium-240, which
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undergoes spontaneous fission, all before supercriticality,
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causing a premature and very small explosion that is unusable
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for the very purpose that it was supposedly designed for!
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15. How do conventional historians rectify these two "facts?"
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They don't even attempt to.
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16. How many books have been written about the atomic bomb?
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Many hundreds, as well as thousands of articles in magazines
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and newspapers.
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17. Why was Hiroshima "targeted," and not Tokyo?
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Perhaps because no one had heard of Hiroshima, and no one knew anyone
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from there. It would be far more difficult to claim that Tokyo was bombed
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than Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In fact, most world maps from before "World
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War Two" do not even mention these cities at all.
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18. How does Japan benefit from the "atom bomb" story?
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As a direct result of the "war," Japan has received billions of dollars
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worth of US aid for its defense. Japan has essentially no defense
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budget, so it can pour resources through MITI into defeating the US
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economically, all while playing on the emotions of anti-"nuke" activists
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about the "horrors" of nuclear weapons.
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19. Wow, I never thought of that. How else do the Japanese
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benefit from this story?
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The Japanese now own major Hollywood studios, from which many war
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movies are produced. Also, they play upon our sympathy for the
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supposed "atom bomb" to blind us to the fact that this foreign
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nation had taken over our semiconductor industry, many California
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banks and practically the entire state of Hawaii.
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This is all a part of the Japanese plot to take over the world.
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According to the "Protocols of the Elders of the Orient," this
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is a Japanese conspiracy all foretold by their ancient texts
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that very few Anglo-Saxons have the ability to read.
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19. How many people are supposed to have died in the explosions?
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It is hard to say. Some sources say 60,000 in Hiroshima, others say
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140,000. No attempt has been made to rectify the various numbers.
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20. How many people die annually from car accidents in the US?
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Over 50,000.
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21. So, what makes Hiroshima so special?
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Nothing, especially given the contradictory evidence about it.
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22. Boy, I'm mad. What should I do about this?
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Glad you asked. First, send me lots of money so we can spread this
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message far and wide. Maybe we'll take out ads in college newspapers
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or something.
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Second, direct your anger at the Japanese. We are the victims, and
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they are the aggressors. Make yourself feel important again by bashing
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Japan at every opportunity. Japanese people are inherently evil, and
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basically subhuman. They were never bombed, and if they would have been
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they would have deserved it. Who do they think they are, anyway?
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Yes, we Revisionists have all the answers. Life is a lot simpler than
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you thought it was. Join us, and you won't have to be bothered anymore
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by any feelings of guilt for your inherent hatred. We can justify it!
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Oh, it's not the Japanese you hate, but the crippled? Hey - so do we!
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It's easy: we don't like feeling uncomfortable around people in wheelchairs,
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either! Who do they think they are, taking all the good parking spaces
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when they were stupid enough to slip on a banana peel? IT'S A
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CONSPIRACY! --See how easy it is to start? Now, just mix in a few
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real facts, and start converting all of the otherwise messed-up
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people to OUR CAUSE!
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23. Wow! You mean that I could write stuff like this, too?
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Sure! It's embarrasingly easy to write what we wrote above. In fact,
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it's even superior to the usual anti-Semitic revisionist garbage,
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because it has a higher percentage of REAL FACTS! Most of the
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apparent "contradictions" above come from the facts that Nagasaki
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was bombed by a plutonium bomb, not uranium; and that hydrogen
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bombs are thermonuclear, not atomic bombs. Just juggle information
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about the different types of bombs and mix them up so they seem to
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be contradicting each other. It doesn't take ANY INTELLIGENCE
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WHATSOEVER, and you can get lots of free air time on "48 Hours"!
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Oh, I forgot to mention: I have a Japanese girlfriend who agrees
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with EVERY WORD I've written above. Here she is:
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"Yes, I am his Japanese girlfriend. I love him very much, and I've
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always been troubled by my Japanese friends claiming to know people
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who died in Hiroshima."
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There you have it! Just throw some unverifiable opinions on top
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of ridiculous proofs to STRENGTHEN YOUR CASE!
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24. Couldn't I be arrested for this?
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No! This country is founded on FREE SPEECH! But, just make sure
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that you mention how much you are being persecuted for saying
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your version of history. (More than three email messages a day
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qualify for being called harrassment. Five may merit a lawsuit.)
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25. Where can I get more information?
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Go to a library. Take a book at random. Skim it. Then, decide how
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that book is either for you or against you. If it is for you, quote
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liberally and out of context. If against you, do the same.
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DON"T LET YOURSELF GET CONFUSED BY THE FACTS! We certainly don't!
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------------------------------------------------------------------
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Alan Lustiger INTERNET:lustiger@att.com UUCP:att!pruxp!alu
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ATTMAIL:!alustiger CIS:72657,366
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--
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Selected by Maddi Hausmann. MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.
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