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1609 lines
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1609 lines
51 KiB
XML
<xml><p>EDITOR'S NOTE:</p>
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<p>I have only compiled this list. I claim no responsibility for errors,
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discrepensies, bogus entries, repeated or contradictiory entries,
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spelling or grammatical errors, or governmental action against those in
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possession of this list. Thank for for your support!</p>
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<p>THE PREMISE:</p>
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<p>Last year, I attended a Science Fiction convention during which I
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discovered (along with other things) that the makers of the
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recently-demised TV series War of the Worlds, had a scene in the very first
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episode, where the original Martian war machines were found mouldering in a
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LA warehouse. For fun, the special effects folk labeled one of the boxes
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in the warehouse 'Ark of the Covenant', indicating that it was the SAME
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warehouse where the Govt. hid everything that folks were not to know
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about. Recently, I decided to try to use this warehouse in a role-playing
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game, for fun. I've been trying to figure out things that should be in
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some of the boxes. I'm essentially looking for all sorts of things that
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were shown on TV and in the movies, that were indicated fell into
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government hands and were never heard from again. I'm also including
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things that some folks claim have existed for years (like the 100 MPG
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carburetor) that the Government has decided to hide away somewhere. (This
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is where you conspiracy folks come in).</p>
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<p>NOTE:
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This list also contains items containted in the British Government Warehouse,
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the Vatican Warehouse, and the Soviet Government Warehouse</p>
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<p>POSSIBLE LOCATIONS OF THE WAREHOUSE:</p>
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<p>A fish processing/packaging plant in the warehouse district of a large
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American city</p>
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<p>A U.S. Government surplus cheese warehouse</p>
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<p>Two World Trade Center</p>
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<p>SIGN ON THE DOOR:</p>
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<p>U.S. Government Warehouse #137-B</p>
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<p>E. Presley & J. Morrison, Propietors.</p>
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<p>W. Casey & J.E. Hoover, Curators</p>
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<p>THE CONTENTS:
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(AMERICAN WING)</p>
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<p>Ark of the Covenant</p>
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<p>100 MPG Carburetor</p>
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<p>3 Martian War Machines</p>
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<p>Parts of a cut up UFO from "My Science Project"</p>
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<p>Smashed pieces of the time gizmo from "The Philedelphia Experiment"</p>
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<p>Engine that runs on tap water</p>
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<p>A whole bunch of perpetual motion devices.</p>
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<p>The dead aliens from a crippled UFO the gov't captured.</p>
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<p>Several Elvis clones awaiting activation (might be ElvisDroids).</p>
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<p>Hundred of huge crates marked with the name Craig Shergold (containing
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Business cards and getwell cards by the million).</p>
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<p>H.G. Wells' working time machine from "Time After Time"</p>
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<p>The UFO that purportedly crashed in the early '50s in New Mexico</p>
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<p>Evidence providing the TRUE story of the Kennedy assassination</p>
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<p>Judge Crater</p>
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<p>What's left of Flight 19
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All of the oddball geological findings that never seem to get
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displayed in museums, including:
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The lump of coal with a spark plug in it
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The piece of sandstone containing human footprints
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The dinosaur skull with a bullet hole in it</p>
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<p>A lead-into-gold device</p>
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<p>A small prototype nuclear fusion plant</p>
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<p>the Ghostbusters' proton packs</p>
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<p>Excalibur</p>
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<p>The steel that the T1000 fell into</p>
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<p>Microscope slide labelled "Turin Shroud section No. 325", with piece
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of material reading "Made In Korea" in tiny letters</p>
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<p>Thunderbird 9</p>
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<p>The Wild Card virus (Xenovirus Takis-A)</p>
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<p>The contents of a house previously owned by the Adams family</p>
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<p>The contents of a house previously owned by the Munster family</p>
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<p>An formula/equation that allows for the creation of negative-life energy</p>
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<p>A large canvas parchment detailing the location of irregularities in the
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time/space continuum</p>
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<p>A collection of psychological reports detailing various conditions
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including: acute paranoia, acute schizophenia, profound catatonia,
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various phobias, et.al. All the patients have at one time or another
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analyzed the Necronomicon</p>
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<p>A copy of "Radioactive Man", issue #1</p>
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<p>A collection of coronary reports detailing various suicides and
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particularly violent and/or gory unsolved homicides. All the victims
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had at one time or another analyzed the Necronomicon</p>
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<p>A statue of a monster of vaguely humanoid outline, but with an octopuslike
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head whose face is a mass of tentacles, a scaly, rubbery-looking body,
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claws on its hind and fore feet, and long, narrow wings</p>
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<p>An authorization for the assassination of Norma Jean Baker. It is signed
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by President John F. Kennedy and is dated 4 August 1962</p>
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<p>A gun recovered from a grassy knoll in Dallas, Texas by CIA agents on
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22 November 1963</p>
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<p>Several test tubes filled with swine flu</p>
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<p>A scabbard which prevents its wearer from being cut and will keep anyone
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alive, no matter how bad the wound</p>
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<p>A machine that allows emotions and all other sensations to be recorded
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by one person and that can be played back and experienced by a second
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party. There are several tapes including: water slide, carnal relations,
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surfing, and heart attack</p>
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<p>Shakespeare's lost play. It is titled THE TRAGORICAL HISTORY OF KING
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ARTHUR</p>
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<p>The Tarnhelm</p>
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<p>A plain gold ring. Unknown script appears on the inside when the ring is
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heated suffiently. Properties recorded include, but are not limited to:
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Invisibility of wearer, extreme age-retardation of bearer, and a
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profoundly increased degree of powerlust in the wearer. The bearer also
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becomes extremely reluctant to surrender the ring</p>
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<p>A rope that cannot be broken with traces of wolf hair found on it</p>
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<p>A primitive yet working subspace radio. It is composed of a record
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player, a sawblade with holes punched in it, a fork, aluminum foil, an
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umbrella, and a Texas Instrument See and Spell. The characters it
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transmits have yet to be deciphered. It was found on a small hill</p>
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<p>Reeses Pieces with extraterrestrial bacteria on them. Found on same hill
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as the subspace radio</p>
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<p>A large stone tablet, reconstructed from pieces, with writing on it. It
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is Hebrew and has Commandments 11 through 17</p>
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<p>Definitive proof that the Illuminati exist and their plans to control the
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world. It is sealed in a safe with an eye superimposed on a pyramid</p>
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<p>Papers showing that professional wrestling is real</p>
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<p>Documentation revealing that in exchange for scientific advances, the
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government provides UFO's with human beings for unknown reasons</p>
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<p>Evidence suggesting that officials took bribes from concerned Arab oil
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men to sabotage cold fusion experiments</p>
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<p>One cyanide laden apple with a bite taken out of it</p>
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<p>One glass slipper</p>
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<p>Several beans with amazing growth potential</p>
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<p>One red riding hood, slightly bloody</p>
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<p>90 yards of golden blonde hair</p>
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<p>A house made out of stale candy</p>
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<p>Evidence showing that the reason JFK didn't support the Bay of Pigs
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Invasion was that the Illuminati threatened to expose several scandals
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if he did</p>
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<p>A stuffed Ravenous BugBlatter Beast of Traal</p>
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<p>Confirmed photo of Adolf Hitler living high on the hog in Argentina</p>
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<p>Confirmed photo of Adolf Hitler breaking a glass with his foot in his
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marraige ceremony to Eva Braun</p>
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<p>Several volumes with the title WHAT THE SHADOW KNOWS</p>
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<p>Proof that President Bush chose Quayle as his running mate to prevent
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future assassination attempts</p>
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<p>Equipment recovered from the laboratory of Dr. Frankenstein</p>
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<p>Papers showing that the Mafia was created by the government in order
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to keep the citizenry in line</p>
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<p>A formula by one Dr. Griffin</p>
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<p>Information that says that the Illuminati sabotaged the Iran hostage
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rescue mission so that they could put a puppet president in office.
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They succeeded with flying colors</p>
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<p>A map to the Fountain of Youth and its guard, Ponce de Leon</p>
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<p>Methusela</p>
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<p>A blackboard with equations that prove that time *is* money</p>
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<p>Confirmation of a tenth planet and an advanced civilisation living there</p>
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<p>Papers showing that the government was created by the Mafia in order
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to keep the citizenry in line</p>
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<p>Records of the contents of Hangar 33 (and evidence that Hangar 18 was
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invented as government misinformation)</p>
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<p>A gaunlet with six gems that provide the wearer with near-omnipotence</p>
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<p>Proof that Milli Vanilli *did* sing their album</p>
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<p>A heave metal box, 75cm on a side, painted in military green. Each side
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has the words, "This side towards enemy" printed on it.
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(Nuclear claymore mine)</p>
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<p>And don't forget a Chevy Malibu, with an unidentifiable (but definitely
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not human) corpse in the trunk, and with black-and-whice cans labelled
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simply "BEER" and "FOOD" in the back seat</p>
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<p>All of Dan Quayle's clones (they decided one DQ was bad enough!)</p>
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<p>Robbie the Robot</p>
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<p>The Transience Disk</p>
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<p>The Aeolanthe & Naeolanthe</p>
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<p>One ENIAC</p>
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<p>One Tesla Radio Power distribution system</p>
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<p>John Galt</p>
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<p>The top 10 vaporware products of all time</p>
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<p>Laputa</p>
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<p>A Liliputan</p>
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<p>The squadren of jet powered Spruce Geese</p>
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<p>Lassie</p>
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<p>The pen used to sign the Hitler-Stalin pact</p>
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<p>What's left of the apple that fell on Newton's head</p>
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<p>The reliable version of the space shuttle (threatened job security)</p>
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<p>Amelia Earhart's flight jacket</p>
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<p>Nazi flying saucers</p>
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<p>Jetpack, a la "The Rocketeer"</p>
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<p>Chips of some unknown alloy collected during Apollo missions</p>
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<p>Big black slab collected by the Leakeys in Olduvai Gorge
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(and a femur found in orbit)</p>
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<p>Jimmy Hoffa</p>
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<p>A Cloudbuster (a rainmaking machine built by Wilhelm Reich - see
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the Kate Bush video "Cloudbusting")</p>
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<p>An N-ray detector</p>
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<p>A dinosaur egg. Fresh. In a crate marked "Africa."</p>
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<p>A chunk of steel, of an unusual alloy, that bears the label
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"Tunguska 190?" (Slightly radioactive)</p>
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<p>A box full of scrolls - written in Aramaic. Box says "Gnostic II."</p>
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<p>Ronald Reagan Mark I and the animatronics to make him work</p>
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<p>Bill Gates' Porsche 959</p>
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<p>A notebook belonging to Fermat, containing the answer to that damn
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"Last Theorem," and notes about a much more interesting conjecture</p>
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<p>A freezer holding the body of Walt Disney</p>
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<p>The Necronomicon</p>
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<p>The Terminator's arm</p>
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<p>Beethoven's Eleventh Symphony</p>
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<p>A phone booth with an odd antenna on top, and a San Dimas, CA number</p>
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<p>A blue British police call box</p>
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<p>A tight-fitting blue costume with a big red "S" on the chest</p>
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<p>The backup tape archives from the "Terminator 2" lab</p>
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<p>The Infinite Improbability Generator</p>
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<p>The 1992 Democratic Presidential Candidate</p>
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<p>HAL 9000's Failed Turing Test (He got a 57%!)</p>
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<p>The monolith on the moon</p>
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<p>The monolith by Jupiter</p>
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<p>HAL 9000</p>
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<p>A Darkness Device</p>
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<p>Da Shoes!</p>
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<p>A copy of Bunnies & Burrows</p>
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<p>Gary Gygax</p>
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<p>A minute black hole--made of a "knot singularity"</p>
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<p>The Body of Valentine Michael Smith</p>
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<p>The center of a tootsie roll pop</p>
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<p>The Great Virus of '29</p>
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<p>The Heart of Gold</p>
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<p>The Tree of Life</p>
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<p>The seed to the Tree of Knowledge</p>
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<p>The "dean drive" which "converts angular momentum into linear momentum."</p>
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<p>Two and a half tons of Nazi gold recovered from a Swiss mine shaft in
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1945</p>
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<p>Some plants from the Brazilian rain forest that can cure just about
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anything</p>
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<p>The "magic gun" that fired the "magic bullet" that killed JFK</p>
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<p>Part of a Soviet Sub recovered by Howard Hughes' Glomar Explorer back
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in 1971</p>
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<p>A Typhoon-class submarine with Caterpillar Drive</p>
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<p>A little silver ball from Starman</p>
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<p>A searchlight with the sillouette of a bat on it</p>
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<p>A book entitled "To Serve Man"</p>
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<p>A three-eyed fish named Blinky</p>
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<p>JFK's Brain</p>
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<p>The gold from the lost Dutchman mine</p>
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<p>The Marylin Monroe Diaries</p>
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<p>The Holy Grail</p>
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<p>The "sets and costumes" that were used to film the Apollo Moon Landing</p>
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<p>The Rhinegold</p>
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<p>The FBI and CIA files detailing the Career of "Special Agent Elvis"</p>
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<p>A mountain of letters addressed to Santa Claus</p>
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<p>A crate marked "The Alamo" with 19th century weapons, uniforms, and
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one coon skin cap</p>
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<p>All of the drugs ever seized in DEA raids</p>
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<p>A bottle with a tag, "Drink Me"</p>
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<p>One kite, string, and key that are scourched</p>
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<p>In a corner a Zoltar Fortune Telling Machine</p>
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<p>A strange looking submarmine named Natulis</p>
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<p>A row of robots, one marked Gort and another marked Robbie</p>
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<p>200 year old crate (damaged) of tea marked "Boston"</p>
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<p>Joseph Raymond McCarthy in cryogenic suspension.
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(Due to be woken 2000 AD)</p>
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<p>Contents of a television studio once based in a desert.
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Props include Mars landscape sections and lifesized fibreglass spaceships</p>
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<p>Ted Kennedy's driver license</p>
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<p>Yoko Ono's talent</p>
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<p>Diogene's Zippo</p>
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<p>The Lincoln Savings and Loan cash reserves</p>
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<p>A portrait, in GIF format, showing Helen of Troy was a real dog</p>
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<p>Micheal Jackson's original nose</p>
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<p>A petrified turd, left by one of the mounts of the Four Horsemen</p>
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<p>Indisputable proof that Oswald acted alone</p>
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<p>All the people who have ever voted in a Chicago election while dead
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(required an annex)</p>
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<p>The original blueprints for building the Great Pyramid of Egypt</p>
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<p>A telephone book for the Planet Mars</p>
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<p>The original magnifying glass used by Sherlock Holmes</p>
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<p>A bottle of smoke from the Chicago Fire</p>
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<p>A crate containing a machine, labeled "Owner - Danny Dunn"</p>
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<p>Oliver North's diary</p>
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<p>A brain laleled "Ronald Reagan"</p>
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<p>Ten crates of clothes labeled "Liberace"</p>
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<p>25 crates of confederate money</p>
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<p>2500 crates of two dollar bills</p>
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<p>Several rows of crates marked, "K-2"</p>
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<p>A large vat of goo, labeled "Keep away from turtles!"</p>
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<p>The real contents of Al Capone's Vault</p>
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<p>The solution to the halting problem</p>
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<p>The "Missing" volumes of the Art of Computer Programming</p>
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<p>A bottle of the "andromedia strain" Virus</p>
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<p>Several Bigfoot(s)</p>
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<p>The bones of the Loch Ness Monster</p>
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<p>A crate of seed pods from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers"</p>
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<p>All the AV recording made of the Mothership from "Close Encounters
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of the Third Kind"</p>
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<p>Snake Plisken's death certificate</p>
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<p>The cursed ship, The Flying Dutchman</p>
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<p>The missing pages from the logbook of the abandoned Marie Celeste</p>
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<p>Adolf Hitler's body... intact</p>
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<p>The Blob... in a large freezer of course</p>
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<p>Gary Seven's voice-operated typewriter</p>
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<p>Spock's vacuum tube computer made in the 1930's, found in flophouse</p>
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<p>All the books which were checked out when the Library at Alexandria burned</p>
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<p>Undeniable authentication documents for the Shroud of Turin</p>
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<p>A map showing where the Time Tunnel desert base's drive-in door is located</p>
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<p>The original plans for Colossus (the Forbin project)</p>
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<p>Used hypodermic needle; once injected a miniaturized submarine into a neck</p>
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<p>Copy of hostage-withholding agreement between Bush and the Ayatollah</p>
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<p>Saucer pieces, mostly melted from magnesium flares, found in (Ant)artic</p>
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<p>The stiff little finger from the hand of an Invader</p>
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<p>NASA office note about refusing collect call from a Will Robinson</p>
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<p>Hollow krypton meteorite, found in Smallville, USA. Cradle inside</p>
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<p>Three "telepods", non-working, along with a grotesque fly/human/metal body</p>
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<p>Spy satellite photos, detailing the location of Noah's Ark</p>
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|
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<p>A working orgone energy machine (see theories of Nicola Tesla
|
|
for more details)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A real, live unicorn</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A working anti-gravity device (perhaps a sample of Cavorite?)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Complete maps and journals of the expedition PROVING the Hollow
|
|
Earth theory</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>What REALLY happened on the Hindenberg</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Two strange electronic devices, found with a set of identifcation for
|
|
"Commander Pavel Chekov, Starfleet."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A set of photographs of a tall (6'3"), muscular man wearing sunglasses.
|
|
Some appear to have been taken at a police station, the rest at a mall</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A pair of yellow shoes with thick hollow glass soles. One sole is intact
|
|
and contains three goldfish skeletons</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Pieces excavated from a stone building of Greek or early Roman design.
|
|
Found in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The corpse of a grotesque, bipedal, fish-like being. Roughly 7' tall,
|
|
the creature wears chitinous armor. In the crate with it are a strange
|
|
looking spear, net, gun on its shoulder, blade on one wrist, and an
|
|
electronic thingee on its other wrist</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Many crates of bizarre super-tech weapons, all marked with swastikas</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A crate full of papers, computer disks, and models of a modified
|
|
DeLorean sports car. Among the papers is a photograph of two men
|
|
standing by a clock, dating back to 1888</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A female android, dressed in a pink gown, with her left arm torn out of
|
|
place. She looks remarkably like Olivia d'Abo</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Several hundred issues of "Playboy" confiscated from American servicemen
|
|
in the Persian Gulf</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A green meteorite attatched to a chain, found in a sewer by the
|
|
Metropolis department of Public Works</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Two CDs, one marked "Elvis" and the other marked "Bruce." These are kept
|
|
with two identically-marked reels of tape and a strange machine</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Plans and a prototype of a reactionless engine. The notes say it puts
|
|
out no exhaust mass, only heat and light</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A circular shield, about 3' in diameter, with concentric red and white
|
|
rings and a star in the center on a blue field</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A black sword, with red runes on it, unearthed in western Canada with a
|
|
petrified human skeleton. The sword is dated as being older than the
|
|
earth where it was found. Researchers tested the sword to find out what
|
|
it was made of, but it defied their efforts. Everyone who touched the
|
|
sword died</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Hundreds of boxes of very very old, crumbling books found in Egypt.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Inside the front cover of each one is a pocket containing a little card
|
|
with heiroglyphs on it. All but the last set on each card are crossed
|
|
out</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A gold medallion with raised markings on each side, and an off-center
|
|
hole holding a red crystal</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A glowing green crystal, about 10 inches long and 2.5 inches wide with
|
|
angled ends, discovered near the North Pole</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>An illuminated manuscript much like a Bible, along with a rabbit's
|
|
corpse and many pieces of shrapnel</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A large emerald in the shape of a heart, confiscated from a fence in new
|
|
York City</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>About 60000 tapes and CDs by the 2 Live Crew</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Hundreds of issues of a comic shop newsletter bearing the headline,
|
|
"DeFalco and Macchio found in adult movie house."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Captain Hook's hand</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A listing of pi which gets to a long stretch of ones and then ends</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Stacks of mismatched contact lenses</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Thousands of car keys</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A chemical formula for the cure for the common cold</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Formula 7x</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The recipie for Macdonald's secret sauce</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>KFC's 11 secret herbs and spices</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>1000 mint-condition WWII army Jeeps, to be sold for $50 each</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The hover-skateboard from BTTF2</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A slightly less than infinite number of wallets (no money in them though)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A slightly malleable bit of metal (the world famous Philosopher's Stone)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The failed prototype from the Aurora project (yet another "stealth" plane)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The remains of a rather strange-looking humanoid... (the "missing link")</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>proof that the president knew the strength of the atomic bomb, and
|
|
dropped it to prove a point to the soviets</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Proof that religion WAS created to control the people</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Proof that communism and socialism WOULD work</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A complete transcription and dates and times for all of Nosatradamus's
|
|
prophecies!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A box containing proof that Salem really did have witches</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The REAL McCarthy list, before the politicain's saw it</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The recording of Nixon saying "I'm not a crook"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Proof that Daylight savings, and flouridation really ARE communist plotS</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The missing part of Kennedy's head</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The true identity of the kidnaper of the Lindbergh baby</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Amelia Earhart</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Six copies of the Mona Lisa, all authentic, except for the words
|
|
"This is a fake" written on the back in felt-tip pen.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A seventh copy of the Mona Lisa, appearing to be authentic, which DOESN'T have
|
|
Had "This is a fake" written on the canvases in felt tip marker.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The complete list of every drink in the Universe whose name
|
|
is a version of 'Gin 'n Tonic'.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The formula for Coca-Cola</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The missing 80 points of Dan Quayle's IQ</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Every taxicab in the Metropolitan New York area (only while it's raining)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Golden Fleece</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A broadsword from roughly 1000 AD with a woman's hand still gripping the handle</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A grafitti-free subway car</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A hen's tooth</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A calendar containing a month made up entirely of Sundays</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Ultimate Nullifier</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The six lost episodes of Dr. Who (and you thought only one was lost...)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A pair of red ruby slippers</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A pillar of salt in the shape of a woman</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>An extremely well-aged apple with two bites out of it</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Universal Solvent (we think) (bring your own container) (hurry) (never mind...)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A letter from an Egyptian princess, saying she'd like to be reincarnated
|
|
as Shirley McLean</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The suppressed Penthouse edition featuring Kylie Minogue</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The REAL reason why the Challenger blew up</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A spy satellite marked "Made in Taiwan"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A diary entry from the president of the Sierra Club saying he's going out
|
|
duck-shooting</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A reciept for a rifle and ammo from Dallas Texas, to the account of L.B.
|
|
Johnson</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A note from a member of the French Govt. saying they were sorry for the
|
|
Rainbow Warrior</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A working cold fusion unit (perhaps one for the back of a car, that you
|
|
could feed garbage to)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The REAL crown jewels of Iran/Persia</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Maltese Falcon</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>An old treaty between Argentina and Britian giving the Falklands to one or
|
|
the other</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>An effective chemical male contraceptive</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The lost notice to tell Arthur the bulldozers were coming</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The message from the Vogons warning the Earth of the Hyperspace Bypass</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The One Ring</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The White Gold Ring</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Virus programmed against the Black Marble Wombat</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Wombat listing in VMS Help</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"That Loving Feeling"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Plane tickets proving George Bush was in Paris in the fall of 1980</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Recordings of a mysterious five-tone musical work, left over
|
|
from a certain project that took place at Devil's Rock</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A slightly radioactive safe marked "S.S. Titanic"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Pay stubs with the words "Central Intelligence Agency" and "Lee Harvey
|
|
Oswald"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The autopsy records for JFK (sealed for 50 years!)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The totally innocuous file on MLKjr that
|
|
was sealed -- because it was totally innocuous!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The report given to FDR on the Japanese fleet steaming toward Hawaii</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>George Washington's membership card for the Masons</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Birth certificates for several mulatto children, with the "Father"
|
|
space marked "Thomas Jefferson"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Autopsy records for President Zachary Taylor</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Telegram from Andrew Johnson to John Wilkes Booth saying "Great opportunity
|
|
at Ford's Theater -- a definite Do-Not-Miss"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>a prototype (or working model!) of Alpha Complex's
|
|
Computer</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>_Another_ government warehouse...</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>90% of the works of Nikola Tesla</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Ship with bodies embedded in several inch-thick steel from
|
|
the "Philadelphia Experiment"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A Mac SE hard disk containing plans for "Transparent Aluminum"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Plans for the "Wildfire" research station</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Set of printer plates for the Lyons UNIX book</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Atlantis</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Everything ever lost in the Bermuda Triangle</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A sample of scrith</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A disc (ring) with a ratio of circumference to diameter equal 3</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Political ethics</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The plan for a balanced US budget</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Several letters signed "George Washington" and "Adam
|
|
Weisshaupt", and a memo signed by a grafologist claiming that both sets
|
|
were written by the same person.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The unicorn scene from "Blade Runner"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Laserdisc copies of all Hayao Miyazaki films -- UNCUT and in ENGLISH</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Schubert's last symphony (complete)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A short mathematical proof that the travelling salesman problem can be
|
|
solved in polynomial time</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>An Elder God, dead</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A pouch of sand, a red ruby on a chain, and a strange insect-like mask</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The last 7 presidents and vice presidents, frozen -- including Bush & Quayle</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Several Caroline clones (they work there)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>a Kirelean photograph of Stonhenge -- showing auras on all the
|
|
stones, including the missing ones</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A silver albatross</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>An old-fashioned green railroad-man's lantern, and a collection of green
|
|
rings of various shapes and sizes</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The original manuscript for Bible II: The Son Strikes Back</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Various and sundry archaeological relics from Mu, Lemuria, Atlantis,
|
|
Shangri-La, and Xanadu</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A complete set of the Golden Age Suicide Squid comics</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Two 16-inch Battleship Cannon shells (you know - like the ones on the Ne
|
|
Jersey) Filled with Quick-Death organism bomblets</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>the British copy of the North American Treaty</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Several kilograms of Byzanium, along with a 1889 Colorado newspaper and the
|
|
body of a Red Army corporal</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A wooden staff, with a claw holding a crystal on the end</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Starship Defiant</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A large number of Swiss Army knives and rolls of Duct Tape. The knives all
|
|
have the letter M engraved on them</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The financial records of Stemple's Mill, Seattle, Washington - signed
|
|
"Ishmael Marx"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A large number of Swords</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A number of semi-transparent, amoeboid creatures, accompanied by semi-
|
|
neanderthalic humanoids</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>An F-15's gun-camera recording of a Dragon in flight</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The leg-bones of Miles Vorkosigan</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>One Dozen Red Roses</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Maps to caves in Ireland, where several spaceships (with markings in Gaelic)
|
|
are kept</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Two thousand bottles of NyQuil</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The coordinates of a rain-swept planet far out in the galaxy, inhabited by a
|
|
little old man who likes cats (even though he doesn't believe in them)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Aristotle's treatise on humor</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Freemasons' Ultimate Secret</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>King Arthur's perfectly preserved body</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>God's pair of dice</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The sixth replicant</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A bubble-gum machine full of dehydrated Martians (just add water)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A helmet with a scrub brush attatched to the top and a pair of
|
|
tennis shoes with the name "M. Martian" on both</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Map & instructions for recovering the treasure on Oak Island</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Method used to place the statues on Easter Island</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The reason the statues were put there</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Beethoven manuscripts that disapeared at his death.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The first draft of Adam Weishaupt's inagural address</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The allied plans for the bombing of Russian oil fields, early '41</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The German nuke</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The real recipie for the Pan-galactic gargle blaster</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Cratefuls and cratefuls of containers remarkably similar to yogurt
|
|
and ice cream containers, labelled "The Stuff"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Two live plesiosaurs</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Plane tickets from Munich, 1958,
|
|
stamped "Flight Cancelled".</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>All the missing ozone</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Lenin's hair</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The brain of a liberal, the heart of a conservative</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A magnetic monopole</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A huge ax and an even bigger stuffed blue ox</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A photograph of a very large gold menorah (pictured on the Arch of
|
|
titus in Rome) with report detailing the contents of the
|
|
Vatican warehouse</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>An archive containing every issue to date of the WEEKLY WORLD NEWS, with
|
|
marginal notations like, "Hoo boy, we *really* fooled this one!"
|
|
and "He's getting too close; exchange him."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A large tank containing some sort of preservative solution and several
|
|
slightly radioactive corpses in various states of decay, all
|
|
of which seem to twitch or move slightly now and then</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Edison's final invention: The Necrophone, a device enabling one to speak
|
|
with the dead</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A handwritten proof, repudiating all claims of truth to the notion of
|
|
relativity, signed by Einstein</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A book containing the contents of the Soviet's Warehouse, with _infinitely_
|
|
more interesting stuff</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A text about flouridation and its true effects on the mind</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>An engine that runs on the passage of _time_ (a Soviet physicist, whose name
|
|
escapes me, has crunched the numbers on this one!)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A text written in ancient Hebrew that begins, In the Beginning, but has all
|
|
the words for god feminine in gender</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A dummy terminal connecting to nothing in particular, with a prompt.
|
|
When any name is typed in, the COMPLETE history of the subject is displayed,
|
|
including what he is doing at this moment, with constant updating</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The CIA's report on Psychotronic Weaponry, with the Soviet's explaination
|
|
to what happened to Nixon and Carter, as well athe death of Brezhnev,
|
|
Andropov, Chernenko, and the meteoric rise to power of one Mikhail
|
|
Gorbachev, who happened to be head of the KGB when the research was being
|
|
done</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>One human skeleton, found in casket, with a wooden stake inserted into the
|
|
ribcage</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Remains of a sophisticated WWII Japanese fighter, codenamed Kamikaze,
|
|
with humanoid figures crushed in the machinery, that must have disabled it</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A strange machine, incorporating a glass cylinder with a weird gel flowing
|
|
within it, and sealed with a lock that can only be opened from within.
|
|
Found in the basement of a church in Detroit</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The bodies of the victims of Crest test #57</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Directions to Midian</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Definitive proof of the Carter thesis that states that petroleum, rather
|
|
than being a diminishing resource, is constantly replenished naturally
|
|
by the earth</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Documentation about the CIA's project into creating the first strain
|
|
of recombinant DNA, with a formula very similar to that of Human Immuno-
|
|
deficiency Virus</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Joseph Smith's golden tablets, containing the Book of Mormon</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The missing 23 minutes of Nixon's tape recordings</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Parcelsus' notebooks (that were supposedly buried with him, but weren't there
|
|
when his tomb was opened, later---for that matter, how about his body?)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Marquis de Saint Germaine</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Documentation and photos from all the cases of Spontaneous Human Combustion</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The mummy from the sarcophagus in the Great Pyramid</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A couple of those computer chips they've supposedly found embedded in the
|
|
arms of Egyptian mummies</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>All that runic graffiti saying things like "Sven Redbeard was here" from the
|
|
upper Mississippi</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A parrot-headed umbrella</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A giant Lincoln's head penny</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A table-top fortune-telling machine</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A curiously heavy black statue of a falcon, with several chips
|
|
carved out of it</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A sled with the brandname of "Rosebud"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The "Greatest American Hero" suit (with instructions)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Rudy Wells' lab notes</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Several hypodermic needles,
|
|
labelled "Lot Six"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Several spare self-destructing tape recorders</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Hymie</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A shoe-phone</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A birth certificate with MacGyver's FIRST name!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Several large hairy bipeds, a small pyramid of silver spheres,
|
|
and a stack of video recordings showing the bipeds attacking
|
|
a tibettan monestary in Wales</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A diary purporting to show the location of the Holy Grail, labelled
|
|
"property of Prof. H. Jones"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Reports, wreckage, and photos from the Starkweather-Moore expedition
|
|
to Antartica. Contains the bodies of what look like 5-symmetric
|
|
animals with fan-shaped wings and lots of tentacles. Also contains
|
|
what looks like a frozen block of blackish protoplasm marked "Do not
|
|
defrost under ANY circumstances"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Photo showing the "Illuminated Five" (Nikola Tesla, Howard Hughes,
|
|
Adam Weishaupt, H.P. Lovecraft, and Nostradamus) having a beer bash
|
|
at the Eye In The Pyramid pub in Ingolstadt</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Overthruster and Buckaroo Banzai's jet car. Also a strange
|
|
looking record that when played displays a rather rastafarian-looking
|
|
alien</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Proof that Orson Wells' War of the Worlds broadcast was no joke</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The *complete* manuscript of Coleridge's Kubla Khan</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Everything dropped by aliens that Eric Von Daniken claims to have seen (which
|
|
is usually guarded by "wild tribesmen" or drug runners, etc.)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>One of those movie revolvers that fires twelve or fifteen shots, or at least
|
|
never needs reloading</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Phantom Tollbooth</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Carrie White</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The plastic bottle that was taken to the Roman/Chinese emperor, which caused
|
|
the inventor to be executed, to keep the glassblowers in business</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Kentucky fried rats</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Einstein's unified field theory</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Hitler's REAL diaries ("hot date with Eva tonight---va-va-voom!")</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The missing chapters of Nostradamus, especially those dealing with the End
|
|
of Civilization as We Know It (suppressed because the world is not
|
|
prepared)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The sequel to Gone With the Wind that Margaret Mitchell supposedly burned,
|
|
after finding she didn't like "all the trouble *this* book has brought me."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The lightbulbs they used for illumination, in painting Egyptian tombs</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The map to King Soloman's mines</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Viking longship that was discovered in California's Imperial Valley,
|
|
sometime around 1910</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A stuffed Pterodactyl, shot in Africa, earlier in this century</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Millions of Pet Rocks (everybody bought one, nobody has one now,
|
|
they have to be SOMEWHERE!)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The official U.S. Navy map showing the location of Gilligan's Island</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Hundreds of millions of dirty socks, each tagged with the time, date
|
|
and location of the laundry in which they disappeared</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Bill Watterston</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Various bits of a 1958 Plymouth Fury (red)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A Tanu skeleton (stored with a variety of high-tech weapons and
|
|
devices found with it buried on the bottom of the Mediterrenan
|
|
Sea, dated at approximately 6 million years old)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A dodo bird</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A disk pack containing the personnel database for Yoyodyne Propulsion
|
|
Systems, listing lots of people named John who all applied for social
|
|
security numbers on November 1, 1938 in Grover's Mill, NJ</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Boxes of proposal, progress report, and design review documents for
|
|
Yoyodyne's work on contract # DOD 84-C112001, plus a copy of "Commerce
|
|
Business Daily" containing the original RFP for the Truncheon Bomber</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Great American Novel. Actually, one Great American Novel from the
|
|
1960's, another from the '50's, another from the '20's. Probably a
|
|
couple more without established dates</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Documents suggesting that "NSA" really meant "No Such Agency," the code
|
|
name of an elaborate cover for yet another internal security service --
|
|
as yet unknown</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>UNIX; a nearly-mythical, small, simple, fully-functional multiuser
|
|
operating system (mentioned in some theoretical papers by Ritchie and
|
|
Thompson, c. 1978). Possibly found squished in the very bottom left
|
|
back corner of one of several huge crates labelled "BSD," "SYS5," etc</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>News software that does something approximately near what one might
|
|
actually want</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A book with the title:
|
|
THE TRUTH
|
|
One page, one word.
|
|
Doesn't matter what language you read, or if you read at all.
|
|
One glance at it and you will know the truth.
|
|
of course, when somebody learns the truth his head explodes</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Real live (frozen or otherwise) Jackalopes, Hidebehinds, and other such
|
|
beasties</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>An atom with the atomic number of 104</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A coke can with the old style pull tabs</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Several cases of the original coke (the ones with cocaine)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The location of Car 54</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Golem of Prague</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Frankenstein's Monster</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A set of papers referring to the Iran - Contra Affair</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The primary mirror we were originally going to use on Hubble</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A passenger pigeon (became extinct in the late 19th century)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Gordian knot. Beside it, a much simpler knot, cut in two</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Docmuments from the 1960's describing Isaac Asimov's process to "grow" a
|
|
positronic brain, using a revolutionary crystal-growing process amazingly
|
|
similar to biological cell reproduction</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A complete log of everything ever posted to the Internet. Cross-referenced
|
|
by subversive nature. All Email, too, of course</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The crashed UFO from White Sands, 1947</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A statement stating that Iran-Contra was "all my idea", signed Ronald Reagan</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>George Bush's travelogue from October, 1980</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Professor Azland's time bubble</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A spaceship powered entirely by steam</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Phone number for the Earth Defense League</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Crashed and destroyed Yeti, Ogron, and Dalek spacecraft</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Construction plans for the top-secret lab in Quantum Leap</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Videotape footage of the Loch Ness Monster. And Bigfoot</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A perfect glass bowl, with the words "So Long, and Thanks..." engraved on it,
|
|
containing some water and a sad-looking yellow fish</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A battered and aged working copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>CIA pay stubs, made out in the name of Mikhail Gorbachev</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A complete set of Majestic Twelve (aka MJ-12 aka MAJIC) documents, marked
|
|
"Exempt: not to be declassified Top Secret Burn before reading"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A stack of memos to Joe Malik (regarding the Illuminati)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A cat. No one can tell whether it is alive or dead</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A gigantic submarine made of gold. Leif Erikson is written on the side</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A sacred cow</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The collected writings of Kilgore Trout
|
|
The only writings to appear by him are excerpts and brief quotes in several
|
|
Kurt Vonnegut stories, except for the novel "Venus on the Half Shell"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>And, of course, the warehouse would need to have, as a relief from all
|
|
the clutter, a vial containing a perfect vacuum</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>In a dark corner of the warehouse, a cage containing a furry creature,
|
|
about 10 inches tall, with huge eyes and ears. It has a tendency to
|
|
sing once in awhile. A sign hangs in front of the cage saying;
|
|
Do NOT place in bright light!
|
|
NEVER get it wet!
|
|
And DO NOT feed after midnight!!!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A small glass vile that seems to contain plain water. The label reads;
|
|
"property of R. Reagan, from fountain of youth, FL"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>This list</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>(BRITISH WING)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>All the gadgets designed by Q, including the ones James Bond didn't use</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>All the gadgets designed by q (Q's little brother), such as a vacuum
|
|
cleaner which, when carefully dismantled and cunningly reassembled,
|
|
becomes a hair dryer</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The alien spacecraft from "Quatermass and the Pit"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>H. G. Wells' time machine</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Complete inventory of the U. S. Government warehouse</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The first telephone, invented by Percy forbes-Hamilton. It wasn't much
|
|
use until Alexander Graham Bell invented the second one</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A map showing the exact location of Thunderbirds' Island H.Q.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A copy of a blackmail note addressed to Pons and Fleischmann, sent by the
|
|
head of B.P.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Plans for converting the Scott Monument into a rocket capable of travelling
|
|
to Mars and back</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The date and time of the revolution</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Geoffrey Boycott's missing test years</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The real Jules Verne trophy</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The location of the *first* tunnel under the Channel (built back in
|
|
Napoleon's time)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Difference Engine</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Videotape of a secret Special Air Service raid on a U.F.O., shot by
|
|
a Commander Straker</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The diary of one "S. Holmes, Consulting Detective."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A similar (but often contradictory) diary by a Dr. Watson</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Several infernal devices created by a Dr. Manchu, in crates shipped
|
|
in from Hong Kong</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A bottle holding a bacterial culture labeled "Mutant 59."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The manuscripts of all those unwritten Sherlock
|
|
Holmes adventures, such as the Adventure of the Aluminium Crutch, and The
|
|
Giant Rat of Sumatra, that Watson kept tempting us with!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A "Norwegian Blue" parrot nailed to a perch in a birdcage</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A device, similar to a laptop computer, wrapped in a dirty towel,
|
|
with the words "Don't panic" written in friendly letters</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A Babel fish</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Miscellaneous documents labeled "Project Tic-Toc"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A bottle of pills marked "S. Beamish"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A rubber mask that looks just like David MacCallum</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A manuscript, written in some druidic script, giving
|
|
operating instructions for Stonehenge</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>An electronic thumb</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A number of typewritten manuscripts bearing titles such
|
|
as "Hamlet", "Macbeth" and "George", with the author
|
|
given as A. Simian</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Documents detailing payments made to an advertising agency
|
|
to manufacture a front man to sell the above manuscripts</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A device for flattening areas of corn</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The mumified remains of the original M. Thatcher</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Mark Thatcher's road map</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A copy of "The Nice and accurate prophecies of Agnes Nutter: Witch"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A sonic screwdriver (nonfunctional, with a note explaining that it was found in
|
|
London, AD 1666)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>An Eyes-Only Scottland Yard File re: a serious of prostitute murders
|
|
in London in the 1890's</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A file cabinet, formerly belongong to one Brigadier Arthur Gordon
|
|
Lethbridge-Stewart, containing detailed documents of encounters with
|
|
assorted aliens and creatures on the British Isles, all stamped with the
|
|
words "TOP SECRET:UNIT"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Blueprints for a "Time Machine", with the initials "H.G.W." signed at
|
|
the bottom</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A bag of old jelly-babies</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The school transcripts and transfer forms of one Vislor Turlough, which
|
|
gives his home address as "Trion"; and similar, older documents for a
|
|
girl named Susan whose grandfather claimed on her records that she'd
|
|
attended "West Gallifrey Junior High."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A letter from Downing Street to Argentina, promising
|
|
someone a large sum of money to make and fail in an attempt to
|
|
capture some unspecified islands</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A glass onion</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A pair of shoes with a tag saying, "Found near Abbey Road"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A set of human ribs, one is missing</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A stuffed hound with a tag saying "Baskervilles"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Three pegs with various sized discs on them. A monk is slowly
|
|
moving one disc at a time
|
|
Diagrams for a semi-functionnal mind control device,
|
|
and (pessimistic) progress reports for control of subject
|
|
"John M."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Details of the massive conspiracy which seems to have resulted
|
|
in most of the British secrets ending up in the US warehouse</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The names and scorecards of all the international teams competing
|
|
in the "World Series"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The formula for the Top Secret language encrypting system developed
|
|
by the CIA, which was used to call a game in which something
|
|
which isn't a ball is hardly ever kicked called "Football"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A black doctors bag containing a number of strange automatic devices
|
|
For performing various forms of surgery</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A bottle of small yellow pills. The label warns you not to take a
|
|
pill if you are in a small two-man shuttle craft</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A bloodstained apron embroydered with masonic regalia and three
|
|
feathers</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Margret Thatcher's conscience</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A report on an MI5 operation involving a poisoned apple, a known
|
|
homosexual and an infinite tape</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A geologist's report on the repeated earthquakes in a small region of
|
|
Monmouthshire, seemingly associated with the ruins of a number of
|
|
fallen towers</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Some very old burned cakes</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>John Major's personality</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The phone number of International Rescue</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Prince Edward's A Level exam papers</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The incorporation papers of a company called "Univsrsal Export"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A biochemical report proving that one should put the milk in first</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Neil Kinnock's ideals</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Satelite photographs showing that the General Galtiari was, in fact,
|
|
somewhere in the Indian Ocean when sunk</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A report on the spontanious self-disassembly of an early experimental
|
|
British nuclear weapon as it was being transported through inner
|
|
London, and why no one noticed</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A gene analysis on the reamins of Winston Churchil, showing that he
|
|
was, in fact, a chicken</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A map and latitude-longitude coordinates showing the exact location of
|
|
the Village</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Schematics for the use of weather balloons as anti-personel devices</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Papers showing who built the Village, who runs it, and who Number 1 is</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The reason why Number 6 resigned</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A door, above which is the brightly lit word "EXIT", and
|
|
which bears a small plate upon which is written "101"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Nigel Lawson's calculator</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A parchment letter from James I to a group of biblical scholars
|
|
starting with the words "Thou Creeps"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A large leathery egg found on the shores of a Scottish loch</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Authur Skargil's Tory party membership</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A marrow bone and a poker</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Contract between the MoD and BAE to develop an aircraft capable of
|
|
tracking traffic on the M1 and the plans for the developed system,
|
|
code named "Babel"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>MI6's report on machinery of unearthly origin found on an unnamed ship
|
|
lifted out of Aukland harbour</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A rain making machine confiscated from the MCC</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A letter from the Secratary of State for Defence to the commanders of
|
|
all British submarines pointing out that, contrary to earlier orders,
|
|
issued due to a previous minister having his hair shampooed and set
|
|
while typing, it is _Soviet_ trawlers that pose a thright to British
|
|
security and not, as stated, _Scottish_ ones</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The final page of the Communist Manefesto containing the punch line,
|
|
found inside a volume in the British library where it had seemingly
|
|
been dropped in the haste of getting the book to the publisher</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The original plans for the analytical engine clearly labeled as
|
|
"Automatic bacon slicer and piano key carving machine"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The launch control system for the Scott monument</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The formula for the additive inserted into Welsh water supplies 25
|
|
years ago to induce small mutations into unborn children which makes
|
|
the retina and optic lobes much less sensitive to fast moving ovoid
|
|
objects</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The minutes of the final session of the Scotish parliament wherein the
|
|
members decided to take the money and run before the Irish made good
|
|
on their promise to sue for royalties on Whiskey</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A transit label found miraculously preserved on the underside of one
|
|
of the fallen stones at stonehenge bearing the name "M A trnspt ltd,
|
|
by apointment, intrnl. removals"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A shard of crystal found wedged in a crevice on Rockall</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The complete transcript of Joan of Ark's trial</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The recipe for British Rail sausage rolls, confiscated for national
|
|
security reasons</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A working Advanced Passenger Train</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Great Rat of Sumatra</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>(VATICAN WING)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Roger Bacon's robot, or the plans for it, or both</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Pliny's "History of Rome" and the missing parts of the "Mary Magdalin Gospel"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A suppressed letter from St. Paul apologizing to the female members
|
|
of the church at Corinth</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A complete transscript of Gallieo's trial (including the non-public parts)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Fatima Prophesies (One look at those, and the Pope in office at
|
|
the time locked himself up for three days)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Obviously a copy of the Necronomicon (Know thine enemies!)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>STORED TOGETHER:
|
|
(V) The nails used to crucify Jesus
|
|
(V) The Crown of Thorns
|
|
(V) Veronica's Veil
|
|
(Strangely, each of these have been found containing trace quantities of
|
|
blood. When the blood was scanned for DNA, none was found...)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A bunch of fish and bread, still remarkably fresh</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Lazarus, in a cage</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A paystub to one Mr. Salmon Rushdie, commenting, "Job Well Done."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A paystub to Lee Harvey Oswald, commenting "Job Well Done."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The bill for the Last Supper</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The bill for the Last Brunch</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>At least a couple of demons, imprisoned</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A big ol' hourglass that _cannot_ be turned over, slowly running out</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A very large key, inset with pearls, inscribed (in Aramaic) "To Peter,
|
|
Sorry, you can't take it with you."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A dartboard, with most of the space being taken up with signs for Italy,
|
|
but a few bearing names like France, Spain, Ireland, and a _very_ small
|
|
one for the USA. Oh, yeaH, there's a dart in it now, pierced through Poland</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Copies of all the books put on the "Banned" lists (Know Thine Enemies!)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>An ancient map, dated AD 476 that points to the major locations where all
|
|
the books were taken (Damn the *^$#$ Dark Ages!)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A strange account of a man who appeared before the Inquisition saying, "No,
|
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wait, you've got it _all_ wrong... This is _nothing_ like I intended!"
|
|
The report goes on to show that the man was summarily tortured for Heresy,
|
|
and when he did not repent, was killed. Strangely, though, it also comments
|
|
that the body of the heretic disappeared soon after</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>An ancient tome, dating to AD 30, written in a bastardization of Arabic,
|
|
Aramaic, Greek, and Latin, proposing complex differential equations, and
|
|
signed QED, JC. (Prince of Darkness)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Complete records on all major exorcisms, visitations, and miracles</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>One part of a strange machine built by Da Vinci, which used solar energy to
|
|
remarkable ends</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Tons of Stuff by Raphael, Leonardo Da Vinci, Michaelangelo, and Donatello,
|
|
along with a few others, deemed "inappropriate" for the general populace,
|
|
but which looked spiffy on the Pope's bedroom wall</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A bottle of water that says "Taken from top of Everest...Remember!"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A pile of ash composed primarily of brimstone, with a card: "remember"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A pillar of salt, "I told you NOT to look back!"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Various bottles containing insects, frogs, lice, etc., and the last labelled,
|
|
"Azrael. Open in case of Emergency."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The char-broiled corpse of a non-levite, "Don't touch it."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A horn, reading, "DON'T BLOW!!!!"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A sling and several stones</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Ark of the Covenant, with a note in Italian reading, "Switch made...replica
|
|
en route to USA."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Samples of the excellent 'shrooms that only grow on Patmos (as in St. John)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Sybilline Books</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Lost Centuries of Nostradamus</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Grimoire of Pope Honorius</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Third Prophecy of Fatima</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Adolph Hitler's baptismal certificate</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>(SOVIET WING)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The Firefox (or at least plans for it)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>All the material on the Russian ESP "remote viewing" project (which, of
|
|
course, was stolen by our own remote viewers)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The bodies of the executed Romanoff royal family, including Anastasia</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>All the missing Old Masters paintings that the Nazis commandeered</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Lenin's last orders</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The UFO that crashed in Siberia in 1908</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>(JAPANESE WING)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The sword given to the first Emperor by the goddess Amaterasu</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A copy of the telegram from Tojo to Roosevelt giving warning of the
|
|
Pearl Harbor attack</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>An oxygen destroyer</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>A suspended animaion unit containing a ten-year-old boy, labeled
|
|
"Akira"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Four suits of powered armor custom-fitted for women</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Satellite photos of Area 88</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The manuscript for a book entitled "The Japan That Can Say No"
|
|
(oops, that one leaked out already!)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>The manuscript for the "really inflamatory" veersion of "The Japan
|
|
That Can Say No"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Godzilla</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>To Europe and the so-called Gas Chambers with eager
|
|
scientists from 'round the world, Fred Leuchter, and all
|
|
Revisionists beg. Questions answered NOW. The Sun could
|
|
steal the mist of mystery. IT COULD BE SO SIMPLE. Truth
|
|
denied; investigation denied. Every day the Zionist Giant
|
|
is taller, and each day has farther to fall (a certainty).
|
|
Victory is solidly ours, fellow Revisionists. Be patient
|
|
through the long wait; the cattle WILL find their way home.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Pete Faust
|
|
|
|
Institute For Relearning
|
|
</p></xml> |