textfiles-politics/pythonCode/personTestingOutput/consp.xml

<xml><p>EDITOR'S NOTE:</p>

<p>I have only compiled this list. I claim no responsibility for errors,
discrepensies, bogus entries, repeated or contradictiory entries,
spelling or grammatical errors, or governmental action against those in
possession of this list. Thank for for your support!</p>

<p>THE PREMISE:</p>

<p>Last year, I attended a Science Fiction convention during which I
discovered (along with other things) that the makers of the
recently-demised TV series War of the Worlds, had a scene in the very first
episode, where the original <ent type='NORP'>Martian</ent> war machines were found mouldering in a
LA warehouse. For fun, the special effects folk labeled one of the boxes
in the warehouse 'Ark of the Covenant', indicating that it was the SAME
warehouse where the <ent type='ORG'>Govt</ent>. hid everything that folks were not to know
about. Recently, I decided to try to use this warehouse in a role-playing
game, for fun. I've been trying to figure out things that should be in
some of the boxes. I'm essentially looking for all sorts of things that
were shown on TV and in the movies, that were indicated fell into
government hands and were never heard from again. I'm also including
things that some folks claim have existed for years (like the 100 MPG
carburetor) that the <ent type='ORG'>Government</ent> has decided to hide away somewhere. (This
is where you conspiracy folks come in).</p>

<p>NOTE:
This list also contains items containted in the <ent type='NORP'>British</ent> <ent type='ORG'>Government</ent> <ent type='ORG'>Warehouse</ent>,
<ent type='GPE'>the Vatican</ent> <ent type='ORG'>Warehouse</ent>, and the <ent type='NORP'>Soviet</ent> <ent type='ORG'>Government</ent> <ent type='ORG'>Warehouse</ent></p>

<p>POSSIBLE LOCATIONS OF THE WAREHOUSE:</p>

<p>A fish processing/packaging plant in the warehouse district of a large
<ent type='NORP'>American</ent> city</p>

<p>A U.S. <ent type='ORG'>Government</ent> surplus cheese warehouse</p>

<p>Two <ent type='ORG'>World Trade</ent> Center</p>

<p>SIGN ON THE DOOR:</p>

<p>U.S. <ent type='ORG'>Government</ent> <ent type='ORG'>Warehouse</ent> #137-B</p>

<p>E. Presley &amp; J. Morrison, Propietors.</p>

<p>W. <ent type='PERSON'>Casey</ent> &amp; J.E. Hoover, Curators</p>

<p>THE CONTENTS:
(AMERICAN WING)</p>

<p>Ark of the Covenant</p>

<p>100 MPG Carburetor</p>

<p>3 <ent type='NORP'>Martian</ent> War Machines</p>

<p>Parts of a cut up <ent type='ORG'>UFO</ent> from "My Science Project"</p>

<p>Smashed pieces of the time gizmo from "The Philedelphia Experiment"</p>

<p>Engine that runs on tap water</p>

<p>A whole bunch of perpetual motion devices.</p>

<p>The dead aliens from a crippled <ent type='ORG'>UFO</ent> the gov't captured.</p>

<p>Several <ent type='PERSON'>Elvis</ent> clones awaiting activation (might be <ent type='PERSON'>Elvis</ent>Droids).</p>

<p>Hundred of huge crates marked with the name <ent type='PERSON'>Craig Shergold</ent> (containing
Business cards and getwell cards by the million).</p>

<p>H.G. <ent type='ORG'>Wells</ent>' working time machine from "<ent type='ORG'>Time</ent> After <ent type='ORG'>Time</ent>"</p>

<p>The <ent type='ORG'>UFO</ent> that purportedly crashed in the early '50s in New Mexico</p>

<p>Evidence providing the TRUE story of the <ent type='PERSON'>Kennedy</ent> assassination</p>

<p>Judge Crater</p>

<p>What's left of Flight 19
All of the oddball geological findings that never seem to get
displayed in museums, including:
The lump of coal with a spark plug in it
The piece of sandstone containing human footprints
The dinosaur skull with a bullet hole in it</p>

<p>A lead-into-gold device</p>

<p>A small prototype nuclear fusion plant</p>

<p>the Ghostbusters' proton packs</p>

<p>Excalibur</p>

<p>The steel that the T1000 fell into</p>

<p>Microscope slide labelled "<ent type='GPE'>Turin</ent> <ent type='PERSON'>Shroud</ent> section No. 325", with piece
of material reading "Made In <ent type='GPE'>Korea</ent>" in tiny letters</p>

<p>Thunderbird 9</p>

<p>The Wild Card virus (Xenovirus Takis-A)</p>

<p>The contents of a house previously owned by the <ent type='PERSON'>Adams</ent> family</p>

<p>The contents of a house previously owned by the <ent type='PERSON'>Munster</ent> family</p>

<p>An formula/equation that allows for the creation of negative-life energy</p>

<p>A large canvas parchment detailing the location of irregularities in the
time/space continuum</p>

<p>A collection of psychological reports detailing various conditions
including: acute paranoia, acute <ent type='GPE'>schizophenia</ent>, profound catatonia,
various phobias, et.al. All the patients have at one time or another
analyzed the Necronomicon</p>

<p>A copy of "<ent type='ORG'>Radioactive Man</ent>", issue #1</p>

<p>A collection of coronary reports detailing various suicides and
particularly violent and/or gory unsolved homicides. All the victims
had at one time or another analyzed the Necronomicon</p>

<p>A statue of a monster of vaguely humanoid outline, but with an octopuslike
head whose face is a mass of tentacles, a scaly, rubbery-looking body,
claws on its hind and fore feet, and long, narrow wings</p>

<p>An authorization for the assassination of <ent type='PERSON'>Norma Jean Baker</ent>. It is signed
by President <ent type='PERSON'>John</ent> F. <ent type='PERSON'>Kennedy</ent> and is dated 4 August 1962</p>

<p>A gun recovered from a grassy knoll in <ent type='GPE'>Dallas</ent>, <ent type='GPE'>Texas</ent> by <ent type='ORG'>CIA</ent> agents on
22 November 1963</p>

<p>Several test tubes filled with swine flu</p>

<p>A scabbard which prevents its wearer from being cut and will keep anyone
alive, no matter how bad the wound</p>

<p>A machine that allows emotions and all other sensations to be recorded
by one person and that can be played back and experienced by a second
party. There are several tapes including: water slide, carnal relations,
surfing, and heart attack</p>

<p>Shakespeare's lost play. It is titled THE TRAGORICAL HISTORY OF KING
ARTHUR</p>

<p>The Tarnhelm</p>

<p>A plain gold ring. Unknown script appears on the inside when the ring is
heated suffiently. Properties recorded include, but are not limited to:
<ent type='ORG'>Invisibility</ent> of wearer, extreme age-retardation of bearer, and a
profoundly increased degree of powerlust in the wearer. The bearer also
becomes extremely reluctant to surrender the ring</p>

<p>A rope that cannot be broken with traces of wolf hair found on it</p>

<p>A primitive yet working subspace radio. It is composed of a record
player, a sawblade with holes punched in it, a fork, aluminum foil, an
umbrella, and a <ent type='GPE'>Texas</ent> Instrument See and Spell. The characters it
transmits have yet to be deciphered. It was found on a small hill</p>

<p>Reeses Pieces with extraterrestrial bacteria on them. Found on same hill
as the subspace radio</p>

<p>A large stone tablet, reconstructed from pieces, with writing on it. It
is Hebrew and has Commandments 11 through 17</p>

<p>Definitive proof that the <ent type='ORG'>Illuminati</ent> exist and their plans to control the
world. It is sealed in a safe with an eye superimposed on a pyramid</p>

<p>Papers showing that professional wrestling is real</p>

<p>Documentation revealing that in exchange for scientific advances, the
government provides <ent type='ORG'>UFO</ent>'s with human beings for unknown reasons</p>

<p>Evidence suggesting that officials took bribes from concerned <ent type='NORP'>Arab</ent> oil
men to sabotage cold fusion experiments</p>

<p>One cyanide laden apple with a bite taken out of it</p>

<p>One glass slipper</p>

<p>Several beans with amazing growth potential</p>

<p>One red riding hood, slightly bloody</p>

<p>90 yards of golden blonde hair</p>

<p>A house made out of stale candy</p>

<p>Evidence showing that the reason <ent type='PERSON'>JFK</ent> didn't support the <ent type='LOC'>Bay of Pigs</ent>
Invasion was that the <ent type='ORG'>Illuminati</ent> threatened to expose several scandals
if he did</p>

<p>A stuffed <ent type='NORP'>Ravenous</ent> BugBlatter Beast of Traal</p>

<p>Confirmed photo of <ent type='PERSON'>Adolf Hitler</ent> living high on the hog in <ent type='GPE'>Argentina</ent></p>

<p>Confirmed photo of <ent type='PERSON'>Adolf Hitler</ent> breaking a glass with his foot in his
marraige ceremony to <ent type='PERSON'>Eva</ent> Braun</p>

<p>Several volumes with the title WHAT THE SHADOW KNOWS</p>

<p>Proof that President <ent type='PERSON'>Bush</ent> chose <ent type='PERSON'>Quayle</ent> as his running mate to prevent
future assassination attempts</p>

<p>Equipment recovered from the laboratory of Dr. Frankenstein</p>

<p>Papers showing that the <ent type='ORG'>Mafia</ent> was created by the government in order
to keep the citizenry in line</p>

<p>A formula by one Dr. Griffin</p>

<p>Information that says that the <ent type='ORG'>Illuminati</ent> sabotaged the <ent type='GPE'>Iran</ent> hostage
rescue mission so that they could put a puppet president in office.
They succeeded with flying colors</p>

<p>A map to <ent type='ORG'>the Fountain</ent> of Youth and its guard, Ponce de Leon</p>

<p>Methusela</p>

<p>A blackboard with equations that prove that time *is* money</p>

<p>Confirmation of a tenth planet and an advanced civilisation living there</p>

<p>Papers showing that the government was created by the <ent type='ORG'>Mafia</ent> in order
to keep the citizenry in line</p>

<p>Records of the contents of <ent type='ORG'>Hangar</ent> 33 (and evidence that <ent type='ORG'>Hangar</ent> 18 was
invented as government misinformation)</p>

<p>A gaunlet with six gems that provide the wearer with near-omnipotence</p>

<p>Proof that <ent type='PERSON'>Milli Vanilli</ent> *did* sing their album</p>

<p>A heave metal box, 75cm on a side, painted in military green. Each side
has the words, "This side towards enemy" printed on it.
(Nuclear claymore mine)</p>

<p>And don't forget a <ent type='ORG'>Chevy</ent> <ent type='GPE'>Malibu</ent>, with an unidentifiable (but definitely
not human) corpse in the trunk, and with black-and-whice cans labelled
simply "BEER" and "FOOD" in the back seat</p>

<p>All of Dan <ent type='PERSON'>Quayle</ent>'s clones (they decided one DQ was bad enough!)</p>

<p><ent type='PERSON'>Robbie</ent> the Robot</p>

<p>The Transience Disk</p>

<p>The Aeolanthe &amp; Naeolanthe</p>

<p>One ENIAC</p>

<p>One <ent type='ORG'>Tesla Radio Power</ent> distribution system</p>

<p><ent type='PERSON'>John</ent> Galt</p>

<p>The top 10 vaporware products of all time</p>

<p>Laputa</p>

<p>A Liliputan</p>

<p>The squadren of jet powered Spruce Geese</p>

<p>Lassie</p>

<p>The pen used to sign the Hitler-<ent type='PERSON'>Stalin</ent> pact</p>

<p>What's left of the apple that fell on <ent type='PERSON'>Newton</ent>'s head</p>

<p>The reliable version of the space shuttle (threatened job security)</p>

<p><ent type='PERSON'>Amelia Earhart</ent>'s flight jacket</p>

<p><ent type='NORP'>Nazi</ent> flying saucers</p>

<p>Jetpack, a la "The Rocketeer"</p>

<p>Chips of some unknown alloy collected during <ent type='ORG'>Apollo</ent> missions</p>

<p>Big black slab collected by the <ent type='ORG'>Leakeys</ent> in <ent type='GPE'>Olduvai Gorge</ent>
(and a femur found in orbit)</p>

<p>Jimmy Hoffa</p>

<p>A Cloudbuster (a rainmaking machine built by <ent type='PERSON'>Wilhelm Reich</ent> - see
the Kate <ent type='PERSON'>Bush</ent> video "Cloudbusting")</p>

<p>An N-ray detector</p>

<p>A dinosaur egg. Fresh. In a crate marked "<ent type='LOC'>Africa</ent>."</p>

<p>A chunk of steel, of an unusual alloy, that bears the label
"<ent type='ORG'>Tunguska</ent> 190?" (Slightly radioactive)</p>

<p>A box full of scrolls - written in <ent type='NORP'>Aramaic</ent>. Box says "Gnostic II."</p>

<p><ent type='PERSON'><ent type='PERSON'>Ronald</ent> <ent type='PERSON'>Reagan</ent></ent> <ent type='PERSON'>Mark I</ent> and the animatronics to make him work</p>

<p>Bill Gates' <ent type='ORG'>Porsche</ent> 959</p>

<p>A notebook belonging to <ent type='ORG'>Fermat</ent>, containing the answer to that damn
"Last Theorem," and notes about a much more interesting conjecture</p>

<p>A freezer holding the body of <ent type='PERSON'>Walt</ent> Disney</p>

<p>The Necronomicon</p>

<p>The Terminator's arm</p>

<p><ent type='PERSON'>Beethoven</ent>'s Eleventh Symphony</p>

<p>A phone booth with an odd antenna on top, and a <ent type='GPE'>San Dimas</ent>, CA number</p>

<p>A blue <ent type='NORP'>British</ent> police call box</p>

<p>A tight-fitting blue costume with a big red "S" on the chest</p>

<p>The backup tape archives from the "Terminator 2" lab</p>

<p>The Infinite Improbability Generator</p>

<p>The 1992 <ent type='NORP'>Democratic</ent> Presidential Candidate</p>

<p>HAL 9000's Failed <ent type='GPE'>Turin</ent>g Test (He got a 57%!)</p>

<p>The monolith on the moon</p>

<p>The monolith by Jupiter</p>

<p>HAL 9000</p>

<p>A Darkness Device</p>

<p>Da Shoes!</p>

<p>A copy of Bunnies &amp; Burrows</p>

<p>Gary Gygax</p>

<p>A minute black hole--made of a "knot singularity"</p>

<p>The Body of Valentine Michael Smith</p>

<p>The center of a tootsie roll pop</p>

<p>The Great Virus of '29</p>

<p><ent type='ORG'>The Heart</ent> of Gold</p>

<p>The Tree of Life</p>

<p>The seed to the Tree of Knowledge</p>

<p>The "dean drive" which "converts angular momentum into linear momentum."</p>

<p>Two and a half tons of <ent type='NORP'>Nazi</ent> gold recovered from a <ent type='NORP'>Swiss</ent> mine shaft in
1945</p>

<p>Some plants from the <ent type='NORP'>Brazilian</ent> rain forest that can cure just about
anything</p>

<p>The "magic gun" that fired the "magic bullet" that killed <ent type='PERSON'>JFK</ent></p>

<p>Part of a <ent type='NORP'>Soviet</ent> Sub recovered by <ent type='PERSON'>Howard Hughes</ent>' <ent type='PERSON'>Glomar Explorer</ent> back
in 1971</p>

<p>A Typhoon-class submarine with <ent type='ORG'>Caterpillar</ent> Drive</p>

<p>A little silver ball from Starman</p>

<p>A searchlight with the sillouette of a bat on it</p>

<p>A book entitled "To Serve Man"</p>

<p>A three-eyed fish named Blinky</p>

<p><ent type='PERSON'>JFK</ent>'s Brain</p>

<p>The gold from the lost <ent type='NORP'>Dutchman</ent> mine</p>

<p>The <ent type='PERSON'>Marylin Monroe</ent> Diaries</p>

<p>The Holy Grail</p>

<p>The "sets and costumes" that were used to film the <ent type='ORG'>Apollo</ent> Moon Landing</p>

<p>The Rhinegold</p>

<p>The <ent type='ORG'>FBI</ent> and <ent type='ORG'>CIA</ent> files detailing the Career of "Special Agent <ent type='PERSON'>Elvis</ent>"</p>

<p>A mountain of letters addressed to <ent type='GPE'>Santa</ent> Claus</p>

<p>A crate marked "The <ent type='ORG'>Alamo</ent>" with 19th century weapons, uniforms, and
one coon skin cap</p>

<p>All of the drugs ever seized in <ent type='ORG'>DEA</ent> raids</p>

<p>A bottle with a tag, "Drink Me"</p>

<p>One kite, string, and key that are scourched</p>

<p>In a corner a <ent type='ORG'>Zoltar Fortune</ent> Telling Machine</p>

<p>A strange looking <ent type='PERSON'>submarmine</ent> named Natulis</p>

<p>A row of robots, one marked <ent type='PERSON'>Gort</ent> and another marked <ent type='PERSON'>Robbie</ent></p>

<p>200 year old crate (damaged) of tea marked "<ent type='GPE'>Boston</ent>"</p>

<p><ent type='PERSON'>Joseph Raymond</ent> <ent type='PERSON'>McCarthy</ent> in cryogenic suspension.
(Due to be woken 2000 AD)</p>

<p>Contents of a television studio once based in a desert.
Props include <ent type='LOC'>Mars</ent> landscape sections and lifesized fibreglass spaceships</p>

<p>Ted <ent type='PERSON'>Kennedy</ent>'s driver license</p>

<p>Yoko <ent type='PERSON'>Ono</ent>'s talent</p>

<p>Diogene's Zippo</p>

<p>The <ent type='ORG'>Lincoln Savings</ent> and Loan cash reserves</p>

<p>A portrait, in <ent type='ORG'>GIF</ent> format, showing <ent type='PERSON'>Helen</ent> of <ent type='PERSON'>Troy</ent> was a real dog</p>

<p>Micheal <ent type='PERSON'>Jackson</ent>'s original nose</p>

<p>A petrified turd, left by one of the mounts of the Four Horsemen</p>

<p>Indisputable proof that <ent type='PERSON'>Oswald</ent> acted alone</p>

<p>All the people who have ever voted in a <ent type='GPE'>Chicago</ent> election while dead
(required an annex)</p>

<p>The original blueprints for building the Great Pyramid of <ent type='GPE'>Egypt</ent></p>

<p>A telephone book for the Planet <ent type='LOC'>Mars</ent></p>

<p>The original magnifying glass used by <ent type='ORG'>Sherlock Holmes</ent></p>

<p>A bottle of smoke from the <ent type='GPE'>Chicago</ent> Fire</p>

<p>A crate containing a machine, labeled "Owner - Danny Dunn"</p>

<p>Oliver <ent type='PERSON'>North</ent>'s diary</p>

<p>A brain laleled "<ent type='PERSON'><ent type='PERSON'>Ronald</ent> <ent type='PERSON'>Reagan</ent></ent>"</p>

<p>Ten crates of clothes labeled "<ent type='ORG'>Liberace</ent>"</p>

<p>25 crates of confederate money</p>

<p>2500 crates of two dollar bills</p>

<p>Several rows of crates marked, "K-2"</p>

<p>A large vat of goo, labeled "Keep away from turtles!"</p>

<p>The real contents of Al Capone's Vault</p>

<p>The solution to the halting problem</p>

<p>The "Missing" volumes of <ent type='ORG'>the Art</ent> of Computer Programming</p>

<p>A bottle of the "andromedia strain" Virus</p>

<p>Several Bigfoot(s)</p>

<p>The bones of the Loch Ness Monster</p>

<p>A crate of seed pods from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers"</p>

<p>All the AV recording made of the Mothership from "Close Encounters
of the Third Kind"</p>

<p>Snake Plisken's death certificate</p>

<p>The cursed ship, The Flying <ent type='NORP'>Dutchman</ent></p>

<p>The missing pages from the logbook of the abandoned Marie Celeste</p>

<p><ent type='PERSON'>Adolf Hitler</ent>'s body... intact</p>

<p>The <ent type='PERSON'>Blob</ent>... in a large freezer of course</p>

<p>Gary Seven's voice-operated typewriter</p>

<p>Spock's vacuum tube computer made in the 1930's, found in flophouse</p>

<p>All the books which were checked out when the Library at <ent type='GPE'>Alexandria</ent> burned</p>

<p>Undeniable authentication documents for the <ent type='PERSON'>Shroud</ent> of <ent type='GPE'>Turin</ent></p>

<p>A map showing where the <ent type='ORG'>Time</ent> Tunnel desert base's drive-in door is located</p>

<p>The original plans for <ent type='ORG'>Colossus</ent> (the Forbin project)</p>

<p>Used hypodermic needle; once injected a miniaturized submarine into a neck</p>

<p>Copy of hostage-withholding agreement between <ent type='PERSON'>Bush</ent> and the Ayatollah</p>

<p>Saucer pieces, mostly melted from magnesium flares, found in (<ent type='ORG'>Ant</ent>)artic</p>

<p>The stiff little finger from the hand of an Invader</p>

<p>NASA office note about refusing collect call from a Will Robinson</p>

<p>Hollow krypton meteorite, found in <ent type='GPE'>Smallville</ent>, <ent type='GPE'>USA</ent>. Cradle inside</p>

<p>Three "telepods", non-working, along with a grotesque fly/human/metal body</p>

<p>Spy satellite photos, detailing the location of <ent type='PERSON'>Noah</ent>'s Ark</p>

<p>A working orgone energy machine (see theories of <ent type='PERSON'>Nicola</ent> <ent type='ORG'>Tesla</ent>
for more details)</p>

<p>A real, live unicorn</p>

<p>A working anti-gravity device (perhaps a sample of Cavorite?)</p>

<p>Complete maps and journals of the expedition PROVING the Hollow
<ent type='LOC'>Earth</ent> theory</p>

<p>What REALLY happened on the Hindenberg</p>

<p>Two strange electronic devices, found with a set of identifcation for
"Commander <ent type='PERSON'>Pavel Chekov</ent>, <ent type='ORG'>Starfleet</ent>."</p>

<p>A set of photographs of a tall (6'3"), muscular man wearing sunglasses.
Some appear to have been taken at a police station, the rest at a mall</p>

<p>A pair of yellow shoes with thick hollow glass soles. One sole is intact
and contains three goldfish skeletons</p>

<p>Pieces excavated from a stone building of <ent type='NORP'>Greek</ent> or early <ent type='NORP'>Roman</ent> design.
Found in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean</p>

<p>The corpse of a grotesque, bipedal, fish-like being. Roughly 7' tall,
the creature wears chitinous armor. In the crate with it are a strange
looking spear, net, gun on its shoulder, blade on one wrist, and an
electronic thingee on its other wrist</p>

<p>Many crates of bizarre super-tech weapons, all marked with swastikas</p>

<p>A crate full of papers, computer disks, and models of a modified
DeLorean sports car. Among the papers is a photograph of two men
standing by a clock, dating back to 1888</p>

<p>A female <ent type='ORG'>android</ent>, dressed in a pink gown, with her left arm torn out of
place. She looks remarkably like <ent type='PERSON'>Olivia</ent> d'Abo</p>

<p>Several hundred issues of "<ent type='ORG'>Playboy</ent>" confiscated from <ent type='NORP'>American</ent> servicemen
in the <ent type='NORP'>Persian</ent> Gulf</p>

<p>A green meteorite attatched to a chain, found in a sewer by the
Metropolis department of Public Works</p>

<p>Two CDs, one marked "<ent type='PERSON'>Elvis</ent>" and the other marked "<ent type='PERSON'>Bruce</ent>." These are kept
with two identically-marked reels of tape and a strange machine</p>

<p>Plans and a prototype of a reactionless engine. The notes say it puts
out no exhaust mass, only heat and light</p>

<p>A circular shield, about 3' in diameter, with concentric red and white
rings and a star in the center on a blue field</p>

<p>A black sword, with red runes on it, unearthed in western <ent type='GPE'>Canada</ent> with a
petrified human skeleton. The sword is dated as being older than the
earth where it was found. Researchers tested the sword to find out what
it was made of, but it defied their efforts. Everyone who touched the
sword died</p>

<p>Hundreds of boxes of very very old, crumbling books found in <ent type='GPE'>Egypt</ent>.</p>

<p>Inside the front cover of each one is a pocket containing a little card
with heiroglyphs on it. All but the last set on each card are crossed
out</p>

<p>A gold medallion with raised markings on each side, and an off-center
hole holding a red crystal</p>

<p>A glowing green crystal, about 10 inches long and 2.5 inches wide with
angled ends, discovered near the <ent type='PERSON'>North</ent> Pole</p>

<p>An illuminated manuscript much like a Bible, along with a rabbit's
corpse and many pieces of shrapnel</p>

<p>A large emerald in the shape of a heart, confiscated from a fence in new
York City</p>

<p>About 60000 tapes and CDs by the 2 Live Crew</p>

<p>Hundreds of issues of a comic shop newsletter bearing the headline,
"DeFalco and <ent type='ORG'>Macchio</ent> found in adult movie house."</p>

<p>Captain <ent type='PERSON'>Hook</ent>'s hand</p>

<p>A listing of pi which gets to a long stretch of ones and then ends</p>

<p>Stacks of mismatched contact lenses</p>

<p>Thousands of car keys</p>

<p>A chemical formula for the cure for the common cold</p>

<p>Formula 7x</p>

<p>The recipie for <ent type='PERSON'>Macdonald</ent>'s secret sauce</p>

<p>KFC's 11 secret herbs and spices</p>

<p>1000 mint-condition WWII army Jeeps, to be sold for $50 each</p>

<p>The hover-skateboard from BTTF2</p>

<p>A slightly less than infinite number of wallets (no money in them though)</p>

<p>A slightly malleable bit of metal (the world famous Philosopher's Stone)</p>

<p>The failed prototype from the Aurora project (yet another "stealth" plane)</p>

<p>The remains of a rather strange-looking humanoid... (the "missing link")</p>

<p>proof that the president knew the strength of the atomic bomb, and
dropped it to prove a point to the soviets</p>

<p>Proof that religion WAS created to control the people</p>

<p>Proof that communism and socialism WOULD work</p>

<p>A complete transcription and dates and times for all of <ent type='ORG'>Nosatradamus</ent>'s
prophecies!</p>

<p>A box containing proof that <ent type='GPE'>Salem</ent> really did have witches</p>

<p>The REAL <ent type='PERSON'>McCarthy</ent> list, before the politicain's saw it</p>

<p>The recording of <ent type='PERSON'>Nixon</ent> saying "I'm not a crook"</p>

<p>Proof that Daylight savings, and flouridation really ARE communist plotS</p>

<p>The missing part of <ent type='PERSON'>Kennedy</ent>'s head</p>

<p>The true identity of <ent type='ORG'>the kidnaper</ent> of the Lindbergh baby</p>

<p><ent type='PERSON'>Amelia Earhart</ent></p>

<p>Six copies of the <ent type='PERSON'>Mona Lisa</ent>, all authentic, except for the words
"This is a fake" written on the back in felt-tip pen.</p>

<p>A seventh copy of the <ent type='PERSON'>Mona Lisa</ent>, appearing to be authentic, which <ent type='ORG'>DOESN</ent>'T have
Had "This is a fake" written on the canvases in felt tip marker.</p>

<p>The complete list of every drink in the <ent type='ORG'>Universe</ent> whose name
is a version of 'Gin 'n Tonic'.</p>

<p>The formula for Coca-Cola</p>

<p>The missing 80 points of Dan <ent type='PERSON'>Quayle</ent>'s IQ</p>

<p>Every taxicab in the <ent type='GPE'>Metropolitan</ent> <ent type='GPE'>New York</ent> area (only while it's raining)</p>

<p>The Golden Fleece</p>

<p>A broadsword from roughly 1000 AD with a woman's hand still gripping the handle</p>

<p>A grafitti-free subway car</p>

<p>A hen's tooth</p>

<p>A calendar containing a month made up entirely of <ent type='ORG'>Sun</ent>days</p>

<p>The Ultimate Nullifier</p>

<p>The six lost episodes of Dr. Who (and you thought only one was lost...)</p>

<p>A pair of <ent type='ORG'>red ruby</ent> slippers</p>

<p>A pillar of salt in the shape of a woman</p>

<p>An extremely well-aged apple with two bites out of it</p>

<p>Universal Solvent (we think) (bring your own container) (hurry) (never mind...)</p>

<p>A letter from an <ent type='GPE'>Egypt</ent>ian princess, saying she'd like to be reincarnated
as <ent type='PERSON'>Shirley</ent> McLean</p>

<p>The suppressed <ent type='ORG'>Penthouse</ent> edition featuring Kylie Minogue</p>

<p>The REAL reason why the Challenger blew up</p>

<p>A spy satellite marked "Made in <ent type='GPE'>Taiwan</ent>"</p>

<p>A diary entry from the president of <ent type='ORG'>the Sierra Club</ent> saying he's going out
duck-shooting</p>

<p>A reciept for a rifle and ammo from <ent type='GPE'>Dallas</ent> <ent type='GPE'>Texas</ent>, to the account of L.B.
<ent type='PERSON'>John</ent>son</p>

<p>A note from a member of the <ent type='NORP'>French</ent> <ent type='ORG'>Govt</ent>. saying they were sorry for the
Rainbow Warrior</p>

<p>A working cold fusion unit (perhaps one for the back of a car, that you
could feed garbage to)</p>

<p>The REAL crown jewels of <ent type='GPE'>Iran</ent>/Persia</p>

<p>The Maltese Falcon</p>

<p>An old treaty between <ent type='GPE'>Argentina</ent> and <ent type='NORP'>Britian</ent> giving the <ent type='LOC'>Falklands</ent> to one or
the other</p>

<p>An effective chemical male contraceptive</p>

<p>The Ultimate Question of Life, the <ent type='ORG'>Universe</ent>, and Everything</p>

<p>The lost notice to tell <ent type='PERSON'>Arthur</ent> the bulldozers were coming</p>

<p>The message from the <ent type='ORG'>Vogons</ent> warning the <ent type='LOC'>Earth</ent> of the Hyperspace Bypass</p>

<p>The One Ring</p>

<p>The White Gold Ring</p>

<p>The Virus programmed against the Black Marble Wombat</p>

<p>The Wombat listing in VMS Help</p>

<p>"That Loving Feeling"</p>

<p>Plane tickets proving George <ent type='PERSON'>Bush</ent> was in <ent type='GPE'>Paris</ent> in the fall of 1980</p>

<p>Recordings of a mysterious five-tone musical work, left over
from a certain project that took place at Devil's Rock</p>

<p>A slightly radioactive safe marked "S.S. Titanic"</p>

<p>Pay stubs with the words "<ent type='ORG'>Central Intelligence Agency</ent>" and "Lee Harvey
<ent type='PERSON'>Oswald</ent>"</p>

<p>The autopsy records for <ent type='PERSON'>JFK</ent> (sealed for 50 years!)</p>

<p>The totally innocuous file on MLKjr that
was sealed -- because it was totally innocuous!</p>

<p>The report given to <ent type='PERSON'>FDR</ent> on the <ent type='NORP'>Japanese</ent> fleet steaming toward Hawaii</p>

<p>George <ent type='GPE'>Washington</ent>'s membership card for the Masons</p>

<p>Birth certificates for several mulatto children, with the "Father"
space marked "Thomas Jefferson"</p>

<p>Autopsy records for President <ent type='PERSON'>Zachary</ent> Taylor</p>

<p>Telegram from Andrew <ent type='PERSON'>John</ent>son to <ent type='PERSON'>John</ent> Wilkes Booth saying "Great opportunity
at <ent type='ORG'>Ford</ent>'s Theater -- a definite Do-Not-Miss"</p>

<p>a prototype (or working model!) of Alpha Complex's
Computer</p>

<p>_Another_ government warehouse...</p>

<p>90% of the works of Nikola <ent type='ORG'>Tesla</ent></p>

<p>Ship with bodies embedded in several inch-thick steel from
the "<ent type='ORG'>Philadelphia Experiment</ent>"</p>

<p>A Mac SE hard disk containing plans for "Transparent Aluminum"</p>

<p>Plans for the "<ent type='ORG'>Wildfire</ent>" research station</p>

<p>Set of printer plates for the <ent type='PERSON'>Lyons</ent> UNIX book</p>

<p>Atlantis</p>

<p>Everything ever lost in the <ent type='GPE'>Bermuda</ent> Triangle</p>

<p>A sample of scrith</p>

<p>A disc (ring) with a ratio of circumference to diameter equal 3</p>

<p>Political ethics</p>

<p>The plan for a balanced US budget</p>

<p>Several letters signed "George <ent type='GPE'>Washington</ent>" and "Adam
Weisshaupt", and a memo signed by a <ent type='PERSON'>grafologist</ent> claiming that both sets
were written by the same person.</p>

<p>The unicorn scene from "<ent type='PERSON'>Blade Runner</ent>"</p>

<p>Laserdisc copies of all <ent type='PERSON'>Hayao Miyazaki</ent> films -- <ent type='ORG'>UNCUT</ent> and in ENGLISH</p>

<p>Schubert's last symphony (complete)</p>

<p>A short mathematical proof that the travelling salesman problem can be
solved in polynomial time</p>

<p>An Elder God, dead</p>

<p>A pouch of sand, a <ent type='ORG'>red ruby</ent> on a chain, and a strange insect-like mask</p>

<p>The last 7 presidents and vice presidents, frozen -- including <ent type='PERSON'>Bush</ent> &amp; <ent type='PERSON'>Quayle</ent></p>

<p>Several <ent type='PERSON'>Caroline</ent> clones (they work there)</p>

<p>a <ent type='NORP'>Kirelean</ent> photograph of <ent type='ORG'>Stonhenge</ent> -- showing auras on all the
stones, including the missing ones</p>

<p>A silver albatross</p>

<p>An old-fashioned green railroad-man's lantern, and a collection of green
rings of various shapes and sizes</p>

<p>The original manuscript for Bible II: The Son Strikes Back</p>

<p>Various and sundry archaeological relics from Mu, Lemuria, Atlantis,
Shangri-La, and Xanadu</p>

<p>A complete set of the Golden Age Suicide Squid comics</p>

<p>Two 16-inch Battleship Cannon shells (you know - like the ones on the Ne
Jersey) Filled with Quick-Death organism bomblets</p>

<p>the <ent type='NORP'>British</ent> copy of the <ent type='PERSON'>North</ent> <ent type='NORP'>American</ent> Treaty</p>

<p>Several kilograms of Byzanium, along with a 1889 <ent type='GPE'>Colorado</ent> newspaper and the
body of a <ent type='ORG'>Red Army</ent> corporal</p>

<p>A wooden staff, with a claw holding a crystal on the end</p>

<p>The Starship Defiant</p>

<p>A large number of <ent type='NORP'>Swiss</ent> Army knives and rolls of Duct Tape. The knives all
have the letter M engraved on them</p>

<p>The financial records of <ent type='ORG'>Stemple</ent>'s Mill, <ent type='GPE'>Seattle</ent>, <ent type='GPE'>Washington</ent> - signed
"<ent type='PERSON'>Ishmael Marx</ent>"</p>

<p>A large number of Swords</p>

<p>A number of semi-transparent, amoeboid creatures, accompanied by semi-neanderthalic humanoids</p>

<p>An F-15's gun-camera recording of a Dragon in flight</p>

<p>The leg-bones of Miles Vorkosigan</p>

<p>One Dozen Red Roses</p>

<p>Maps to caves in <ent type='GPE'>Ireland</ent>, where several spaceships (with markings in <ent type='NORP'>Gaelic</ent>)
are kept</p>

<p>Two thousand bottles of NyQuil</p>

<p>The coordinates of a rain-swept planet far out in the galaxy, inhabited by a
little old man who likes cats (even though he doesn't believe in them)</p>

<p><ent type='PERSON'>Aristotle</ent>'s treatise on humor</p>

<p>The Freemasons' Ultimate Secret</p>

<p>King <ent type='PERSON'>Arthur</ent>'s perfectly preserved body</p>

<p>God's pair of dice</p>

<p>The sixth replicant</p>

<p>The <ent type='ORG'>Illudium</ent> Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator</p>

<p>A bubble-gum machine full of dehydrated <ent type='NORP'>Martian</ent>s (just add water)</p>

<p>A helmet with a scrub brush attatched to the top and a pair of
tennis shoes with the name "M. <ent type='NORP'>Martian</ent>" on both</p>

<p>Map &amp; instructions for recovering the treasure on Oak Island</p>

<p>The Method used to place the statues on Easter Island</p>

<p>The reason the statues were put there</p>

<p>The <ent type='PERSON'>Beethoven</ent> manuscripts that disapeared at his death.</p>

<p>The first draft of <ent type='PERSON'>Adam Weishaupt</ent>'s inagural address</p>

<p>The allied plans for the bombing of <ent type='NORP'>Russian</ent> oil fields, early '41</p>

<p>The German nuke</p>

<p>The real recipie for the <ent type='ORG'>Pan</ent>-galactic gargle blaster</p>

<p>Cratefuls and cratefuls of containers remarkably similar to yogurt
and ice cream containers, labelled "The Stuff"</p>

<p>Two live plesiosaurs</p>

<p>Plane tickets from <ent type='GPE'>Munich</ent>, 1958,
stamped "Flight Cancelled".</p>

<p>All the missing ozone</p>

<p>Lenin's hair</p>

<p>The brain of a liberal, the heart of a conservative</p>

<p>A magnetic monopole</p>

<p>A huge ax and an even bigger stuffed blue ox</p>

<p>A photograph of a very large gold menorah (pictured on the Arch of
titus in <ent type='GPE'>Rome</ent>) with report detailing the contents of the
Vatican warehouse</p>

<p>An archive containing every issue to date of the WEEKLY WORLD NEWS, with
marginal notations like, "<ent type='PERSON'>Hoo boy</ent>, we *really* fooled this one!"
and "He's getting too close; exchange him."</p>

<p>A large tank containing some sort of preservative solution and several
slightly radioactive corpses in various states of decay, all
of which seem to twitch or move slightly now and then</p>

<p>Edison's final invention: The <ent type='ORG'>Necrophone</ent>, a device enabling one to speak
with the dead</p>

<p>A handwritten proof, repudiating all claims of truth to the notion of
relativity, signed by Einstein</p>

<p>A book containing the contents of the <ent type='NORP'>Soviet</ent>'s <ent type='ORG'>Warehouse</ent>, with _infinitely_
more interesting stuff</p>

<p>A text about flouridation and its true effects on the mind</p>

<p>An engine that runs on the passage of _time_ (a <ent type='NORP'>Soviet</ent> physicist, whose name
escapes me, has crunched the numbers on this one!)</p>

<p>A text written in ancient Hebrew that begins, In the Beginning, but has all
the words for god feminine in gender</p>

<p>A dummy terminal connecting to nothing in particular, with a prompt.
When any name is typed in, the COMPLETE history of the subject is displayed,
including what he is doing at this moment, with constant updating</p>

<p>The <ent type='ORG'>CIA</ent>'s report on Psychotronic Weaponry, with the <ent type='NORP'>Soviet</ent>'s explaination
to what happened to <ent type='PERSON'>Nixon</ent> and <ent type='PERSON'>Carter</ent>, as well athe death of <ent type='ORG'>Brezhnev</ent>,
Andropov, Chernenko, and the meteoric rise to power of one <ent type='PERSON'>Mikhail</ent>
Gorbachev, who happened to be head of the <ent type='ORG'>KGB</ent> when the research was being
done</p>

<p>One human skeleton, found in casket, with a wooden stake inserted into the
ribcage</p>

<p>Remains of a sophisticated WWII <ent type='NORP'>Japanese</ent> fighter, codenamed Kamikaze,
with humanoid figures crushed in the machinery, that must have disabled it</p>

<p>A strange machine, incorporating a glass cylinder with a weird gel flowing
within it, and sealed with a lock that can only be opened from within.
Found in the basement of a church in Detroit</p>

<p>The bodies of the victims of <ent type='ORG'>Crest</ent> test #57</p>

<p>Directions to Midian</p>

<p>Definitive proof of the <ent type='PERSON'>Carter</ent> thesis that states that petroleum, rather
than being a diminishing resource, is constantly replenished naturally
by the earth</p>

<p>Documentation about the <ent type='ORG'>CIA</ent>'s project into creating the first strain
of recombinant DNA, with a formula very similar to that of Human Immunodeficiency Virus</p>

<p>Joseph Smith's golden tablets, containing the Book of Mormon</p>

<p>The missing 23 minutes of <ent type='PERSON'>Nixon</ent>'s tape recordings</p>

<p>Parcelsus' notebooks (that were supposedly buried with him, but weren't there
when his tomb was opened, later---for that matter, how about his body?)</p>

<p>The Marquis de Saint Germaine</p>

<p>Documentation and photos from all the cases of Spontaneous Human Combustion</p>

<p>The mummy from the sarcophagus in the Great Pyramid</p>

<p>A couple of those computer chips they've supposedly found embedded in the
arms of <ent type='GPE'>Egypt</ent>ian mummies</p>

<p>All that runic graffiti saying things like "<ent type='PERSON'>Sven Redbeard</ent> was here" from the
upper Mississippi</p>

<p>A parrot-headed umbrella</p>

<p>A giant <ent type='ORG'>Lincoln</ent>'s head penny</p>

<p>A table-top fortune-telling machine</p>

<p>A curiously heavy black statue of a <ent type='ORG'>falcon</ent>, with several chips
carved out of it</p>

<p>A sled with the brandname of "Rosebud"</p>

<p>The "Greatest <ent type='NORP'>American</ent> Hero" suit (with instructions)</p>

<p>Rudy <ent type='ORG'>Wells</ent>' lab notes</p>

<p>Several hypodermic needles,
labelled "Lot Six"</p>

<p>Several spare self-destructing tape recorders</p>

<p>Hymie</p>

<p>A shoe-phone</p>

<p>A birth certificate with MacGyver's FIRST name!</p>

<p>Several large hairy bipeds, a small pyramid of silver spheres,
and a stack of video recordings showing the bipeds attacking
a tibettan monestary in Wales</p>

<p>A diary purporting to show the location of the Holy Grail, labelled
"property of Prof. H. Jones"</p>

<p>Reports, wreckage, and photos from the Starkweather-Moore expedition
to <ent type='ORG'>Ant</ent>artica. Contains the bodies of what look like 5-symmetric
animals with fan-shaped wings and lots of tentacles. Also contains
what looks like a frozen block of blackish protoplasm marked "Do not
defrost under ANY circumstances"</p>

<p>Photo showing the "Illuminated Five" (Nikola <ent type='ORG'>Tesla</ent>, <ent type='PERSON'>Howard Hughes</ent>,
<ent type='PERSON'>Adam Weishaupt</ent>, H.P. Lovecraft, and <ent type='ORG'>Nostradamus</ent>) having a beer bash
at <ent type='ORG'>the Eye</ent> In The Pyramid pub in Ingolstadt</p>

<p>The Overthruster and <ent type='ORG'>Buckaroo Banzai</ent>'s jet car. Also a strange
looking record that when played displays a rather rastafarian-looking
alien</p>

<p>Proof that Orson <ent type='ORG'>Wells</ent>' War of the Worlds broadcast was no joke</p>

<p>The *complete* manuscript of <ent type='PERSON'>Coleridge</ent>'s Kubla Khan</p>

<p>Everything dropped by aliens that <ent type='PERSON'>Eric Von Daniken</ent> claims to have seen (which
is usually guarded by "wild tribesmen" or drug runners, etc.)</p>

<p>One of those movie revolvers that fires twelve or fifteen shots, or at least
never needs reloading</p>

<p>The Phantom Tollbooth</p>

<p>Carrie White</p>

<p>The plastic bottle that was taken to the <ent type='NORP'>Roman</ent>/Chinese emperor, which caused
the inventor to be executed, to keep the glassblowers in business</p>

<p>Kentucky fried rats</p>

<p>Einstein's unified field theory</p>

<p>Hitler's REAL diaries ("hot date with <ent type='PERSON'>Eva</ent> tonight---va-va-voom!")</p>

<p>The missing chapters of <ent type='ORG'>Nostradamus</ent>, especially those dealing with <ent type='ORG'>the End</ent>
of Civilization as We Know It (suppressed because the world is not
prepared)</p>

<p>The sequel to Gone With the Wind that <ent type='PERSON'>Margaret Mitchell</ent> supposedly burned,
after finding she didn't like "all the trouble *this* book has brought me."</p>

<p>The lightbulbs they used for illumination, in painting <ent type='GPE'>Egypt</ent>ian tombs</p>

<p>The map to King Soloman's mines</p>

<p>The Viking longship that was discovered in <ent type='GPE'>California</ent>'s <ent type='LOC'>Imperial Valley</ent>,
sometime around 1910</p>

<p>A stuffed Pterodactyl, shot in <ent type='LOC'>Africa</ent>, earlier in this century</p>

<p>Millions of <ent type='ORG'>Pet Rocks</ent> (everybody bought one, nobody has one now,
they have to be SOMEWHERE!)</p>

<p>The official U.S. Navy map showing the location of <ent type='PERSON'>Gilligan</ent>'s Island</p>

<p>Hundreds of millions of dirty socks, each tagged with the time, date
and location of the laundry in which they disappeared</p>

<p>Bill Watterston</p>

<p>Various bits of a 1958 <ent type='ORG'>Plymouth Fury</ent> (red)</p>

<p>A Tanu skeleton (stored with a variety of high-tech weapons and
devices found with it buried on the bottom of the Mediterrenan
Sea, dated at approximately 6 million years old)</p>

<p>A dodo bird</p>

<p>A disk pack containing the personnel database for <ent type='ORG'>Yoyodyne</ent> Propulsion
Systems, listing lots of people named <ent type='PERSON'>John</ent> who all applied for social
security numbers on November 1, 1938 in Grover's Mill, NJ</p>

<p>Boxes of proposal, progress report, and design review documents for
<ent type='ORG'>Yoyodyne</ent>'s work on contract # <ent type='ORG'>DOD</ent> 84-C112001, plus a copy of "Commerce
Business Daily" containing the original RFP for <ent type='ORG'>the Truncheon</ent> Bomber</p>

<p>The Great <ent type='NORP'>American</ent> Novel. Actually, one Great <ent type='NORP'>American</ent> Novel from the
1960's, another from the '50's, another from the '20's. Probably a
couple more without established dates</p>

<p>Documents suggesting that "<ent type='ORG'>NSA</ent>" really meant "No Such Agency," the code
name of an elaborate cover for yet another internal security service --
as yet unknown</p>

<p>UNIX; a nearly-mythical, small, simple, fully-functional multiuser
operating system (mentioned in some theoretical papers by <ent type='PERSON'>Ritchie</ent> and
Thompson, c. 1978). Possibly found squished in the very bottom left
back corner of one of several huge crates labelled "<ent type='ORG'>BSD</ent>," "<ent type='ORG'>SYS</ent>5," etc</p>

<p>News software that does something approximately near what one might
actually want</p>

<p>A book with the title:
THE TRUTH
One page, one word.
Doesn't matter what language you read, or if you read at all.
One glance at it and you will know the truth.
of course, when somebody learns the truth his head explodes</p>

<p>Real live (frozen or otherwise) <ent type='PERSON'>Jackalopes</ent>, <ent type='ORG'>Hidebehinds</ent>, and other such
beasties</p>

<p>An atom with the atomic number of 104</p>

<p>A coke can with the old style pull tabs</p>

<p>Several cases of the original coke (the ones with cocaine)</p>

<p>The location of Car 54</p>

<p>The Golem of Prague</p>

<p>Frankenstein's Monster</p>

<p>A set of papers referring to the <ent type='GPE'>Iran</ent> - Contra Affair</p>

<p>The primary mirror we were originally going to use on Hubble</p>

<p>A passenger pigeon (became extinct in the late 19th century)</p>

<p>The <ent type='ORG'>Gordian</ent> knot. Beside it, a much simpler knot, cut in two</p>

<p>Docmuments from the 1960's describing <ent type='PERSON'>Isaac Asimov</ent>'s process to "grow" a
positronic brain, using a revolutionary crystal-growing process amazingly
similar to biological cell reproduction</p>

<p>A complete log of everything ever posted to <ent type='ORG'>the Internet</ent>. Cross-referenced
by subversive nature. All Email, too, of course</p>

<p>The crashed <ent type='ORG'>UFO</ent> from <ent type='ORG'>White Sands</ent>, 1947</p>

<p>A statement stating that <ent type='GPE'>Iran</ent>-Contra was "all my idea", signed <ent type='PERSON'><ent type='PERSON'>Ronald</ent> <ent type='PERSON'>Reagan</ent></ent></p>

<p>George <ent type='PERSON'>Bush</ent>'s travelogue from October, 1980</p>

<p>Professor <ent type='PERSON'>Azland</ent>'s time bubble</p>

<p>A spaceship powered entirely by steam</p>

<p>Phone number for the <ent type='LOC'>Earth</ent> Defense League</p>

<p>Crashed and destroyed <ent type='ORG'>Yeti</ent>, <ent type='ORG'>Ogron</ent>, and <ent type='ORG'>Dalek</ent> spacecraft</p>

<p>Construction plans for the top-secret lab in <ent type='ORG'>Quantum</ent> Leap</p>

<p>Videotape footage of the Loch Ness Monster. And Bigfoot</p>

<p>A perfect glass bowl, with the words "So Long, and Thanks..." engraved on it,
containing some water and a sad-looking yellow fish</p>

<p>A battered and aged working copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy</p>

<p><ent type='ORG'>CIA</ent> pay stubs, made out in the name of <ent type='PERSON'>Mikhail Gorbachev</ent></p>

<p>A complete set of <ent type='GPE'>Majestic</ent> Twelve (aka MJ-12 aka MAJIC) documents, marked
"Exempt: not to be declassified Top Secret Burn before reading"</p>

<p>A stack of memos to <ent type='PERSON'>Joe Malik</ent> (regarding the <ent type='ORG'>Illuminati</ent>)</p>

<p>A cat. No one can tell whether it is alive or dead</p>

<p>A gigantic submarine made of gold. <ent type='PERSON'>Leif Erikson</ent> is written on the side</p>

<p>A sacred cow</p>

<p>The collected writings of <ent type='PERSON'>Kilgore Trout</ent>
The only writings to appear by him are excerpts and brief quotes in several
<ent type='PERSON'>Kurt Vonnegut</ent> stories, except for the novel "<ent type='LOC'>Venus</ent> on <ent type='ORG'>the Half Shell</ent>"</p>

<p>And, of course, the warehouse would need to have, as a relief from all
the clutter, a vial containing a perfect vacuum</p>

<p>In a dark corner of the warehouse, a cage containing a furry creature,
about 10 inches tall, with huge eyes and ears. It has a tendency to
sing once in awhile. A sign hangs in front of the cage saying;
Do NOT place in bright light!
NEVER get it wet!
And DO NOT feed after midnight!!!</p>

<p>A small glass vile that seems to contain plain water. The label reads;
"property of R. <ent type='PERSON'>Reagan</ent>, from fountain of youth, FL"</p>

<p>This list</p>

<p>(<ent type='NORP'>BRITISH</ent> WING)</p>

<p>All the gadgets designed by Q, including the ones <ent type='PERSON'>James Bond</ent> didn't use</p>

<p>All the gadgets designed by q (Q's little brother), such as a vacuum
cleaner which, when carefully dismantled and cunningly reassembled,
becomes a hair dryer</p>

<p>The alien spacecraft from "<ent type='ORG'>Quatermass</ent> and <ent type='ORG'>the Pit</ent>"</p>

<p>H. G. <ent type='ORG'>Wells</ent>' time machine</p>

<p>Complete inventory of the U. S. <ent type='ORG'>Government</ent> warehouse</p>

<p>The first telephone, invented by <ent type='PERSON'>Percy</ent> forbes-<ent type='PERSON'>Hamilton</ent>. It wasn't much
use until <ent type='PERSON'>Alexander Graham Bell</ent> invented the second one</p>

<p>A map showing the exact location of Thunderbirds' Island H.Q.</p>

<p>A copy of a blackmail note addressed to <ent type='PERSON'>Pons</ent> and <ent type='PERSON'>Fleischmann</ent>, sent by the
head of B.P.</p>

<p>Plans for converting the <ent type='PERSON'>Scott</ent> Monument into a rocket capable of travelling
to <ent type='LOC'>Mars</ent> and back</p>

<p>The date and time of the revolution</p>

<p>Geoffrey <ent type='ORG'>Boycott</ent>'s missing test years</p>

<p>The real <ent type='PERSON'>Jules Verne</ent> trophy</p>

<p>The location of the *first* tunnel under the <ent type='ORG'>Channel</ent> (built back in
<ent type='LOC'>Napoleon</ent>'s time)</p>

<p>The Difference Engine</p>

<p>Videotape of a secret Special Air Service raid on a U.F.O., shot by
a Commander Straker</p>

<p>The diary of one "S. Holmes, Consulting Detective."</p>

<p>A similar (but often contradictory) diary by a Dr. <ent type='PERSON'>Watson</ent></p>

<p>Several infernal devices created by a Dr. <ent type='NORP'>Manchu</ent>, in crates shipped
in from <ent type='GPE'>Hong</ent> Kong</p>

<p>A bottle holding a bacterial culture labeled "Mutant 59."</p>

<p>The manuscripts of all those unwritten Sherlock
Holmes adventures, such as the Adventure of the Aluminium Crutch, and The
Giant Rat of <ent type='NORP'>Sumatra</ent>, that <ent type='PERSON'>Watson</ent> kept tempting us with!</p>

<p>A "<ent type='NORP'>Norwegian</ent> Blue" parrot nailed to a perch in a birdcage</p>

<p>A device, similar to a laptop computer, wrapped in a dirty towel,
with the words "<ent type='PERSON'>Don</ent>'t panic" written in friendly letters</p>

<p>A Babel fish</p>

<p>Miscellaneous documents labeled "Project Tic-Toc"</p>

<p>A bottle of pills marked "S. Beamish"</p>

<p>A rubber mask that looks just like <ent type='PERSON'>David</ent> MacCallum</p>

<p>A manuscript, written in some druidic script, giving
operating instructions for Stonehenge</p>

<p>An electronic thumb</p>

<p>A number of typewritten manuscripts bearing titles such
as "<ent type='EVENT'>Hamlet</ent>", "Macbeth" and "George", with the author
given as A. Simian</p>

<p>Documents detailing payments made to an advertising agency
to manufacture a front man to sell the above manuscripts</p>

<p>A device for flattening areas of corn</p>

<p>The mumified remains of the original M. <ent type='PERSON'>Thatcher</ent></p>

<p>Mark <ent type='PERSON'>Thatcher</ent>'s road map</p>

<p>A copy of "The Nice and accurate prophecies of <ent type='PERSON'>Agnes Nutter</ent>: Witch"</p>

<p>A sonic screwdriver (nonfunctional, with a note explaining that it was found in
<ent type='GPE'>London</ent>, AD 1666)</p>

<p>An Eyes-Only <ent type='PERSON'>Scott</ent>land Yard File re: a serious of prostitute murders
in <ent type='GPE'>London</ent> in the 1890's</p>

<p>A file cabinet, formerly belongong to one Brigadier <ent type='PERSON'>Arthur</ent> Gordon
Lethbridge-<ent type='PERSON'>Stewart</ent>, containing detailed documents of encounters with
assorted aliens and creatures on the <ent type='NORP'>British</ent> Isles, all stamped with the
words "TOP SECRET:UNIT"</p>

<p>Blueprints for a "<ent type='ORG'>Time</ent> Machine", with the initials "H.G.W." signed at
the bottom</p>

<p>A bag of old jelly-babies</p>

<p>The school transcripts and transfer forms of one Vislor Turlough, which
gives his home address as "<ent type='ORG'>Trion</ent>"; and similar, older documents for a
girl named <ent type='PERSON'>Susan</ent> whose grandfather claimed on her records that she'd
attended "<ent type='ORG'>West Gallifrey Junior</ent> High."</p>

<p>A letter from Downing Street to <ent type='GPE'>Argentina</ent>, promising
someone a large sum of money to make and fail in an attempt to
capture some unspecified islands</p>

<p>A glass onion</p>

<p>A pair of shoes with a tag saying, "Found near Abbey Road"</p>

<p>A set of human ribs, one is missing</p>

<p>A stuffed hound with a tag saying "Baskervilles"</p>

<p>Three pegs with various sized discs on them. A monk is slowly
moving one disc at a time
Diagrams for a semi-functionnal mind control device,
and (pessimistic) progress reports for control of subject
"<ent type='PERSON'>John</ent> M."</p>

<p>Details of the massive conspiracy which seems to have resulted
in most of the <ent type='NORP'>British</ent> secrets ending up in the US warehouse</p>

<p>The names and scorecards of all the international teams competing
in the "<ent type='EVENT'>World Series</ent>"</p>

<p>The formula for the Top Secret language encrypting system developed
by the <ent type='ORG'>CIA</ent>, which was used to call a game in which something
which isn't a ball is hardly ever kicked called "Football"</p>

<p>A black doctors bag containing a number of strange automatic devices
For performing various forms of surgery</p>

<p>A bottle of small yellow pills. The label warns you not to take a
pill if you are in a small two-man shuttle craft</p>

<p>A bloodstained apron embroydered with masonic regalia and three
feathers</p>

<p>Margret <ent type='PERSON'>Thatcher</ent>'s conscience</p>

<p>A report on an MI5 operation involving a poisoned apple, a known
homosexual and an infinite tape</p>

<p>A geologist's report on the repeated earthquakes in a small region of
<ent type='GPE'>Monmouthshire</ent>, seemingly associated with the ruins of a number of
fallen towers</p>

<p>Some very old burned cakes</p>

<p><ent type='PERSON'>John</ent> Major's personality</p>

<p>The phone number of <ent type='ORG'>International</ent> Rescue</p>

<p>Prince Edward's A Level exam papers</p>

<p>The incorporation papers of a company called "<ent type='ORG'>Univsrsal Export</ent>"</p>

<p>A biochemical report proving that one should put the milk in first</p>

<p>Neil <ent type='PERSON'>Kinnock</ent>'s ideals</p>

<p>Satelite photographs showing that the General <ent type='PERSON'>Galtiari</ent> was, in fact,
somewhere in the <ent type='NORP'>Indian</ent> Ocean when sunk</p>

<p>A report on the spontanious self-disassembly of an early experimental
<ent type='NORP'>British</ent> nuclear weapon as it was being transported through inner
<ent type='GPE'>London</ent>, and why no one noticed</p>

<p>A gene analysis on the reamins of <ent type='PERSON'>Winston Churchil</ent>, showing that he
was, in fact, a chicken</p>

<p>A map and latitude-longitude coordinates showing the exact location of
the <ent type='ORG'>Village</ent></p>

<p>Schematics for the use of weather balloons as anti-personel devices</p>

<p>Papers showing who built the <ent type='ORG'>Village</ent>, who runs it, and who Number 1 is</p>

<p>The reason why Number 6 resigned</p>

<p>A door, above which is the brightly lit word "<ent type='ORG'>EXIT</ent>", and
which bears a small plate upon which is written "101"</p>

<p><ent type='PERSON'>Nigel Lawson</ent>'s calculator</p>

<p>A parchment letter from <ent type='PERSON'>James I</ent> to a group of biblical scholars
starting with the words "Thou Creeps"</p>

<p>A large leathery egg found on the shores of a <ent type='NORP'>Scottish</ent> loch</p>

<p>Authur Skargil's Tory party membership</p>

<p>A marrow bone and a poker</p>

<p>Contract between the MoD and <ent type='ORG'>BAE</ent> to develop an aircraft capable of
tracking traffic on the M1 and the plans for the developed system,
code named "Babel"</p>

<p>MI6's report on machinery of unearthly origin found on an unnamed ship
lifted out of <ent type='GPE'>Aukland</ent> harbour</p>

<p>A rain making machine confiscated from the MCC</p>

<p>A letter from <ent type='ORG'>the Secratary</ent> of State for Defence to the commanders of
all <ent type='NORP'>British</ent> submarines pointing out that, contrary to earlier orders,
issued due to a previous minister having his hair shampooed and set
while typing, it is _<ent type='NORP'>Soviet</ent>_ trawlers that pose a thright to <ent type='NORP'>British</ent>
security and not, as stated, _<ent type='NORP'>Scottish</ent>_ ones</p>

<p>The final page of the <ent type='NORP'>Communist</ent> Manefesto containing the punch line,
found inside a volume in the <ent type='NORP'>British</ent> library where it had seemingly
been dropped in the haste of getting the book to the publisher</p>

<p>The original plans for the analytical engine clearly labeled as
"Automatic bacon slicer and piano key carving machine"</p>

<p>The launch control system for the <ent type='PERSON'>Scott</ent> monument</p>

<p>The formula for the additive inserted into <ent type='NORP'>Welsh</ent> water supplies 25
years ago to induce small mutations into unborn children which makes
the retina and optic lobes much less sensitive to fast moving ovoid
objects</p>

<p>The minutes of the final session of the <ent type='PERSON'>Scotish</ent> parliament wherein the
members decided to take the money and run before the <ent type='NORP'>Irish</ent> made good
on their promise to sue for royalties on Whiskey</p>

<p>A transit label found miraculously preserved on the underside of one
of the fallen stones at stonehenge bearing the name "M A <ent type='ORG'>trnspt ltd</ent>,
by apointment, intrnl. removals"</p>

<p>A shard of crystal found wedged in a crevice on Rockall</p>

<p>The complete transcript of <ent type='PERSON'>Joan</ent> of Ark's trial</p>

<p>The recipe for <ent type='NORP'>British</ent> Rail sausage rolls, confiscated for national
security reasons</p>

<p>A working Advanced Passenger Train</p>

<p>The Great Rat of <ent type='NORP'>Sumatra</ent></p>

<p>(VATICAN WING)</p>

<p><ent type='PERSON'>Roger Bacon</ent>'s robot, or the plans for it, or both</p>

<p>Pliny's "History of <ent type='GPE'>Rome</ent>" and the missing parts of the "<ent type='PERSON'>Mary Magdalin Gospel</ent>"</p>

<p>A suppressed letter from St. Paul apologizing to the female members
of the church at Corinth</p>

<p>A complete transscript of <ent type='PERSON'>Gallieo</ent>'s trial (including the non-public parts)</p>

<p>The Fatima Prophesies (One look at those, and the <ent type='PERSON'>Pope</ent> in office at
the time locked himself up for three days)</p>

<p>Obviously a copy of the Necronomicon (Know thine enemies!)</p>

<p>STORED TOGETHER:
(V) The nails used to crucify Jesus
(V) The Crown of Thorns
(V) Veronica's Veil
(Strangely, each of these have been found containing trace quantities of
blood. When the blood was scanned for DNA, none was found...)</p>

<p>A bunch of fish and bread, still remarkably fresh</p>

<p>Lazarus, in a cage</p>

<p>A paystub to one Mr. <ent type='PERSON'>Salmon Rushdie</ent>, commenting, "Job Well <ent type='PERSON'>Don</ent>e."</p>

<p>A paystub to Lee Harvey <ent type='PERSON'>Oswald</ent>, commenting "Job Well <ent type='PERSON'>Don</ent>e."</p>

<p>The bill for the Last Supper</p>

<p>The bill for the Last Brunch</p>

<p>At least a couple of demons, imprisoned</p>

<p>A big ol' hourglass that _cannot_ be turned over, slowly running out</p>

<p>A very large key, inset with pearls, inscribed (in <ent type='NORP'>Aramaic</ent>) "To <ent type='PERSON'>Peter</ent>,
Sorry, you can't take it with you."</p>

<p>A dartboard, with most of the space being taken up with signs for <ent type='GPE'>Italy</ent>,
but a few bearing names like <ent type='GPE'>France</ent>, <ent type='GPE'>Spain</ent>, <ent type='GPE'>Ireland</ent>, and a _very_ small
one for the <ent type='GPE'>USA</ent>. Oh, yeaH, there's a dart in it now, pierced through Poland</p>

<p>Copies of all the books put on the "Banned" lists (Know Thine Enemies!)</p>

<p>An ancient map, dated AD 476 that points to the major locations where all
the books were taken (Damn the *^$#$ Dark Ages!)</p>

<p>A strange account of a man who appeared before the Inquisition saying, "No,
wait, you've got it _all_ wrong... This is _nothing_ like I intended!"
The report goes on to show that the man was summarily tortured for <ent type='ORG'>Heresy</ent>,
and when he did not repent, was killed. Strangely, though, it also comments
that the body of the heretic disappeared soon after</p>

<p>An ancient tome, dating to AD 30, written in a bastardization of <ent type='NORP'>Arab</ent>ic,
<ent type='NORP'>Aramaic</ent>, <ent type='NORP'>Greek</ent>, and <ent type='NORP'>Latin</ent>, proposing complex differential equations, and
signed <ent type='ORG'>QED</ent>, JC. (Prince of Darkness)</p>

<p>Complete records on all major exorcisms, visitations, and miracles</p>

<p>One part of a strange machine built by Da Vinci, which used solar energy to
remarkable ends</p>

<p>Tons of Stuff by Raphael, Leonardo Da Vinci, Michaelangelo, and <ent type='PERSON'>Don</ent>atello,
along with a few others, deemed "inappropriate" for the general populace,
but which looked spiffy on the <ent type='PERSON'>Pope</ent>'s bedroom wall</p>

<p>A bottle of water that says "Taken from top of Everest...Remember!"</p>

<p>A pile of ash composed primarily of brimstone, with a card: "remember"</p>

<p>A pillar of salt, "I told you NOT to look back!"</p>

<p>Various bottles containing insects, frogs, lice, etc., and the last labelled,
"<ent type='PERSON'>Azrael</ent>. Open in case of Emergency."</p>

<p>The char-broiled corpse of a non-levite, "<ent type='PERSON'>Don</ent>'t touch it."</p>

<p>A horn, reading, "<ent type='PERSON'>DON</ent>'T BLOW!!!!"</p>

<p>A sling and several stones</p>

<p>Ark of the Covenant, with a note in <ent type='NORP'>Italian</ent> reading, "<ent type='ORG'>Switch</ent> made...replica
en route to <ent type='GPE'>USA</ent>."</p>

<p>Samples of the excellent 'shrooms that only grow on <ent type='GPE'>Patmos</ent> (as in St. <ent type='PERSON'>John</ent>)</p>

<p>The Sybilline Books</p>

<p>The Lost Centuries of <ent type='ORG'>Nostradamus</ent></p>

<p>The Grimoire of <ent type='PERSON'>Pope</ent> Honorius</p>

<p>The Third Prophecy of Fatima</p>

<p>Adolph Hitler's baptismal certificate</p>

<p>(SOVIET WING)</p>

<p>The <ent type='ORG'>Firefox</ent> (or at least plans for it)</p>

<p>All the material on the <ent type='NORP'>Russian</ent> ESP "remote viewing" project (which, of
course, was stolen by our own remote viewers)</p>

<p>The bodies of the executed <ent type='NORP'>Roman</ent>off royal family, including Anastasia</p>

<p>All the missing Old Masters paintings that the <ent type='NORP'>Nazi</ent>s commandeered</p>

<p>Lenin's last orders</p>

<p>The <ent type='ORG'>UFO</ent> that crashed in <ent type='LOC'>Siberia</ent> in 1908</p>

<p>(<ent type='NORP'>JAPANESE</ent> WING)</p>

<p>The sword given to the first Emperor by the goddess Amaterasu</p>

<p>A copy of the telegram from <ent type='PERSON'>Tojo</ent> to <ent type='PERSON'>Roosevelt</ent> giving warning of the
Pearl Harbor attack</p>

<p>An oxygen destroyer</p>

<p>A suspended animaion unit containing a ten-year-old boy, labeled
"Akira"</p>

<p>Four suits of powered armor custom-fitted for women</p>

<p>Satellite photos of Area 88</p>

<p>The manuscript for a book entitled "The <ent type='GPE'>Japan</ent> That Can Say No"
(oops, that one leaked out already!)</p>

<p>The manuscript for the "really inflamatory" veersion of "The <ent type='GPE'>Japan</ent>
That Can Say No"</p>

<p>Godzilla</p>

<p>To Europe and the so-called <ent type='ORG'>Gas Chambers</ent> with eager
scientists from 'round the world, <ent type='PERSON'>Fred Leuchter</ent>, and all
<ent type='NORP'>Revisionists</ent> beg. Questions answered NOW. The <ent type='ORG'>Sun</ent> could
steal the mist of mystery. IT COULD BE SO SIMPLE. <ent type='ORG'>Truth</ent>
denied; investigation denied. Every day <ent type='ORG'>the Zionist Giant</ent>
is taller, and each day has farther to fall (a certainty).
Victory is solidly ours, fellow <ent type='NORP'>Revisionists</ent>. Be patient
through the long wait; the cattle WILL find their way home.</p>

<p>Pete Faust

Institute For <ent type='PERSON'>Relearning</ent>
</p></xml>