textfiles-politics/conspiracyTextFilesRegEx/senators.txt

<conspiracyFile>(From the Weekly World News, June 7, 1994)
Shocking confessions rock nation's capital!
12 U.S. SENATORS ARE SPACE ALIENS!
by Nick Mann - Special report
WASHINGTON - A space alien who stunned the world by revealing that
five U.S. Senators were extraterrestrials in 1992 dropped another
bombshell when he met with President Bill Clinton in the White House just
days ago -- and named seven more senators who hail from distant planets!
And far from denying the extraterrestrial's allegations, Senators Phil
Gramm, Dennis DeConcini, John D. Rockefeller IV, Bennett Johnston,
Howell Heflin, Christopher Dodd, and William S. Cohen conceded that
"the time is right to make our true identities known."
"Senators John Glenn, Orrin Hatch, Nancy Kassebaum, Sam Nunn, and
Alan Simpson came out of the alien closet two years ago and now we find
that seven more senators are not from Earth," said author and UFO expert
Nathaniel Dean, who identified the first group of space alien senators in a
news conference that made international headlines in November 1992.
"The implications," he continued, "are almost beyond comprehension. For
one thing, we now know that the destiny of the most powerful nation on
Earth is being shaped and guided by entities who aren't even human.
"I'm not saying that this is bad, because it might very well be good.
"If the universe is inhabited by other creatures and civilizations, we need to
know about them.
"We also need linkage.
"And if nothing else, these space alien legislators can serve as our links to a
world that is even more advanced than our own."
Dean's report stunned political analysts and threatened to touch off a public
panic that, as one CIA source put it, "could quickly get out of control."
White House spokesmen declined to comment, but sources privately
confirmed that the President's meeting with the alien took place when the
Secret Service escorted the creature into the White House at 4:36 a.m. on
April 24.
They also suggested that the President will address the issue in an
upcoming news conference, although they could not provide a time or date.
While analysts scrambled to gauge public reaction, the senators sought
ways to minimize any negative fallout and put the right spin on the
creature's revelations.
Contacted at his office in Washington, Sen. Gramm, R. - Texas, took the
high road with full and immediate disclosure, saying: "It's all true. We are
space aliens. And I'm amazed that it's taken you so long to find out.
"When we read that the other aliens had been exposed in 1992, we knew it
was only a matter of time before you got the rest of us."
Less expansive but equally honest was Sen. DeConcini, D. - Ariz. In a
prepared statement, he said: "As chairman of the Senate Intelligence
Committee, I am quite distressed. My highly classified cover has been
blown."
Sen. Rockefeller, D. - W. Va., cleverly turned questions about the space
alien heritage into a plug for national health-care reform, saying: "I love it
here on Earth, but our health-care system is better at home."
Sen. Heflin, D. - Ala., was obviously taken off-guard by reporters'
questions. He called the space alien's revelations "surprising" and went on
to say: "Yes, my parents were Heaven sent."
Sen. Johnston, D. - La., said: "At least the cat is out of the bag, although
this isn't exactly the way I intended to tell my family and friends."
Sen. Dodd, D. - Conn., expressed relief "that all this is public." In the most
terse response of all, Sen. Cohen, R. - Maine, said, "I admit it."
Dean's sources said the space alien identified the extraterrestrial senators in
a 25-minute meeting with President Clinton.
Dean does not know what else, if anything, was discussed at the meeting.
"The first question that came to my mind was whether the senators are
U.S. citizens and eligible to serve in the U.S. Senate," said Dean.
"From what I understand, they were born in the U.S. and are U.S. citizens.
It just so happens that their parents were from another world. The senators
look like ordinary humans," he continued, "but the space alien who met
with President Clinton had an answer for that, too.
"He reportedly said the senators looked human 'because they choose to
look human. It is a simple matter for us to change our forms.' "
Oddly enough, the extraterrestrial alien refused to pinpoint the planet or
star system he and the alien senators came from, Dean said.
The twelve senators identified as space aliens are:
Christopher Dodd, D. - Connecticut
Bennett Johnston, D. - Louisiana
William S. Cohen, R. - Maine
Dennis DeConcini, D. - Arizona
Orrin Hatch, R. - Utah
Nancy Kassebaum, R. - Kansas
Alan Simpson, R. - Wyoming
Phil Gramm, R. - Texas
Howell Heflin, D. - Alabama
John D. Rockefeller IV, D. - West Virginia
Sam Nunn, D. - Georgia
John Glenn, D. - Ohio
(Transcriber's Note: Christopher Dodd's father was also a senator from
Connecticut. John D. Rockefeller IV is, as the name indicates, a member of
the Rockefeller family, which has been powerful in both politics and
business for several generations. John Glenn was one of the first U.S.
astronauts, and participated in Projects Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo.)</conspiracyFile>