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<xml><p>From BIG SECRETS, by <ent type='PERSON'>William Poundstone</ent>
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HOW TO CRASH THE FREEMASONS</p>
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<p> <ent type='ORG'>Mason</ent>ry swears its members to secrecy with grisly,
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anatomically explicit oaths. A Master <ent type='NORP'>Freemason</ent> must "promise and
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swear, that I will not write, print, stamp, stain, hew, cut,
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carve, indent, paint, or engrave" the mysteries of his order
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"under no less penalty than to have my throat cut across, my
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tongue torn out by the roots, and my body buried in the rough
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sands of the sea," according to one version of the oath. Tenth-degree <ent type='ORG'>Mason</ent>s "consent to have my body opened perpendicularly, and
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to be exposed for eight hours in the open air, that the venomous
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flies may eat my entrails" if they talk. Even the <ent type='ORG'>Shriners</ent>, a
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"fun" order, may incur "the fearful penalty of having my eyeballs
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pierced to the center with a three-edged blade."
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Be that as it may, the secrets of the <ent type='ORG'>Mason</ent>s are preserved in
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certain arcane tracts, pamphlets, and books. These are sold only
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by <ent type='NORP'>Masonic</ent> supply houses -- the firms that sell fezzes, banners,
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plaques, jewels, and other regalia to lodges. The supply houses
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take the secrecy seriously. Most will not sell booklets containing
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club secrets to anyone who cannot show a <ent type='NORP'>Masonic</ent> ID. BIG SECRETS
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came across a <ent type='GPE'>Chicago</ent> firm, however, that works by mail order. The
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Geo. <ent type='PERSON'>Lauterer</ent> Corporation publishes an illustrated catalog of
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lodge gear. It offers over a hundred <ent type='NORP'>Masonic</ent> and other fraternal
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manuscripts. We obtained a sampling of titles.
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<ent type='ORG'>American Masonry</ent> differs in certain particulars from <ent type='NORP'>British</ent>
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or <ent type='ORG'>Continental Masonry</ent>. Rituals may vary from lodge to lodge.
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<ent type='NORP'>Masonic</ent> tracts do not always agree. Except where noted, the
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information below is taken from two of Lauterer's titles,
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RICHARDSON'S MONITOR OF FREEMASONRY by a pseudonymous Benjamin
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Henry Day, and INITIATION STUNTS by Lieutenant <ent type='PERSON'>Beale Cormack</ent>.</p>
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<p>
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The Secret Handshake
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It's a regular handshake, except that you press your forefinger
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hard into the other's palm. The thumb presses against the base
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joints of the second and third fingers. It looks pretty much like
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any other handshake; only the person shaking hands can feel the
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difference.</p>
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<p>The Secret Password
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"Tubal-Cain" is the secret password of a Master <ent type='ORG'>Mason</ent>. But some
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lodges have their own passwords.</p>
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<p>The Secret Word
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Not to be confused with the password. The Word (always
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capitalized) is so secret that initiates are taught it one letter
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at a time. First they learn A, then O, then M, and finally I. The
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Word is IAOM.
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You never get a straight story as to what it means. As best
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as anyone can figure, it is the ineffable name of God, or some
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approximation thereof. The Word (or Name) is a tongue-twister. It
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takes some practice to get it right. The following pronunciation
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guide is from MASONRY AND ITS SYMBOLS IN THE LIGHT OF THINKING AND
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DESTINY by <ent type='PERSON'>Harold Waldwin Percival</ent>:</p>
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<p> The Name is pronounced as follows: It is started by
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opening the lips with an "ee" sound graduating into
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a broad "a" as the mouth opens wider with lips
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forming an oval shape and then graduating the sound
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to "o" as the lips form a circle, and again
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modulating to an "m" sound as the lips close to a
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point. This point resolves itself to a point within
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the head.
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Expressed phonetically the Name is "EE-Ah-Oh-Mmm" and is pronounced with one continuous out-breathing with a slight nasal tone in the manner
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described above. It can be correct and properly
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expressed with its full power only by one who has
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brought his physical body to a state of
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perfection...
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The <ent type='ORG'>Shriners</ent>' Recognition Test
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According to a <ent type='PERSON'>Lauterer</ent> manuscript, this is how two <ent type='ORG'>Shriners</ent>
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recognize each other:
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Q: Then I presume you are a Noble?
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A: I am so accepted by all men of noble birth.
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Q: Have you traveled any?
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A: I have.
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Q: From where to what place have you traveled?
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A: Traveled east over the hot burning sands of the desert.
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Q: Where were you stopped at?
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A: At the devil's pass.
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Q: What were you requested to do?
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A: I was requested to contribute a few drops of urine.
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Q: Why were you requested to do this?
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A: As a token of my renouncing the wiles and evils of the world
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and granted permission to worship at the Shrine.
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Q: At what Shrine did you worship?
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A: At the Shrine of <ent type='NORP'>Islam</ent>.
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Q: Did you ride?
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A: Yes, I rode a camel until I paused to dismount.
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Q: Then what did you do with your camel?
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A: I tied him.
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Q: Where did you tie him?
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A: I tied him to a date tree, where all True <ent type='ORG'>Shriners</ent> should do
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so.
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BOTH: Yes, I pulled the <ent type='PERSON'>Cord</ent>, rode the hump, I have traversed
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the hot arid sands of the desert to find Peace and rest in
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the quiet shades of the Oasis.</p>
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<p>Initiation</p>
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<p>There are two sides to <ent type='NORP'>Freemason</ent> initiations -- one a
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standardized, sedate ritual; the other a highly variable set of
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hazing stunts.
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Prospective <ent type='ORG'>Mason</ent>s must apply of their own free will.
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<ent type='ORG'>Mason</ent>s may not recruit friends at least not in theory. Proposed
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members are investigated by a committee of lodge members. This
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is often just a formality but may include, for instance, a
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credit report. The committee reports on the candidate at a
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lodge meeting. Members then vote.
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The ballot box is the <ent type='PERSON'>Lauterer</ent> catalog uses white balls and
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black cubes. (Losers are blackcubed, not blackballed.) If there
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is a single negative vote, the ballot is declared foul. The
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lodgemaster (who sees how each member voted) may try to
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convince dissenting members to reconsider. A negative verdict
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on the second ballot is final.
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Successful candidates are invited to the lodge for
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initiation. There are three basic degrees: Entered <ent type='ORG'>Apprentice</ent>,
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<ent type='ORG'>Fellow Craft</ent>, and Master <ent type='ORG'>Mason</ent>. Each has its own ritual.
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Entered <ent type='ORG'>Apprentice</ent> candidates begin by taking off their
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clothes to prove their gender (women may not become <ent type='ORG'>Mason</ent>s). In
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practice, this means taking off the pants and any jacket.
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Underwear and shirt are kept on, but the shirt is unbuttoned
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and pulled down to bare the left arm, shoulder, and breast.
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The candidate is hoodwinked (blindfolded). A cabletow
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(rope) is placed around the neck. (The <ent type='PERSON'>Lauterer</ent> catalog's
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hoodwink is simply a standard, black satin half-face mask --
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without eyeholes -- secured with an elastic string. The
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cabletow is a heavy blue rayon cord with tassels at both ends.)
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Ideally, the cabletow is supposed to have four strands to
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symbolize the four senses (they don't count touch). The
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candidate is escorted to a room where three candles are
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burning. One of the lodge members takes a mason's compass or
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other sharp instrument and pricks the candidate's bared skin.
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The candidate is instructed to recite a formula to the effect
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that what he desires most is light. The other lodge members
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remove his hoodwink and cabletow. Before the candidate are
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three candles. He is told that the candles represent the sun,
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the moon, and the master of the lodge.
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The candidate gets a lecture on the symbolism of <ent type='ORG'>Mason</ent>ry.
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Visual aids are used (<ent type='PERSON'>Lauterer</ent> sells a set of three lecture
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charts and a set of 188 35-millimeter slides). He is given a
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"lambskin," a white apron. Lauterer's lambskins are indeed
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genuine lambskin, lined with cotton. They measure 13 inches by
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15 inches or 14 inches by 16 inches. A triangular flap folds
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down like the flap of an envelope. The lambskin is worn in
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front, and a tie (tape or cord with tassels) fastens behind the
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back.
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A member of the lodge pretends to be a collector for a
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needy cause and asks the candidate to donate. Lacking his
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wallet, the candidate must refuse. The moral: Help the less
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fortunate. Then the candidate is allowed to put his clothes
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back on. He is taken before the master of the lodge. The master
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tells him that he is now a <ent type='ORG'>Mason</ent>. The candidate is given the
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working tools of the <ent type='ORG'>Apprentice</ent>, a twenty-four-inch gauge and a
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gavel.
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The second and third degrees follow a similar pattern. Both
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repeat the business with the hoodwink and the cabletow. For the
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<ent type='ORG'>Fellow Craft</ent> initiation, the right shoulder is bared, and the
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cabletow is tied around the right biceps. In the Master <ent type='ORG'>Mason</ent>
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initiation, the cabletow is wound around the body three times.
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Each degree has its own lecture on symbolism.
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Then there are the optional degrees. Their initiation
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rituals take the form of short plays starring the candidate and
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other lodge members. The playlets deal with incidents from the
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mythic history of the <ent type='ORG'>Mason</ent>s, such as the building of King
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Solomon's Temple and the murder of Temple architect Hiram
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Abiff. These initiations cost the candidate about $150 a pop,
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so any thirty-second-degree <ent type='ORG'>Mason</ent> has dropped over $4000. Once
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a <ent type='ORG'>Mason</ent> has completed the twenty-nine optional degrees of the
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<ent type='NORP'>Scottish</ent> rite or the six optional degrees of the York rite, he
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is eligible to become a <ent type='ORG'>Shriner</ent> -- which means still another
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initiation.
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Depending on the whim of the other lodge members,
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initiations may include a set of burlesque tests to prove a
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candidate's mettle. These blend sophomoric practical jokes,
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soft S&M, an an electric carpet (the latter "just the item for
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initiations," touts the <ent type='PERSON'>Lauterer</ent> catalog, at $4.75 a square
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foot; jump spark battery extra). Lauterer's INITIATION STUNTS
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booklet describes over thirty tests judged suitable for
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fraternal orders, of which the following is a sample. In all
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cases, candidates are blindfolded. Here's how the <ent type='ORG'>Mason</ent>s keep
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out the wimps:</p>
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<p>"Chewing the Rag"
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A lodge member criticizes two candidates for speaking: "They
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both talk too much and I fear they will someday betray the
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secrets of our brotherhood." As a lesson, the candidates must
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"chew the rag." The member says that he has a six-foot length
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of string with a raisin tied in the middle. Each candidate gets
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an end of the string. The member instructs the candidates to
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chew the string from their respective ends: The one who gets
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the raisin will be excused from "The Test of the Drowning Man."
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They chew. The "raisin" is really a piece of candy coated with
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<ent type='ORG'>Epsom</ent> salts. There is no "Test of the Drowning Man."</p>
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<p>"<ent type='NORP'>Oriental</ent> Dance"
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Lodge members strip a candidate and put a skirt on him. As
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<ent type='NORP'>Oriental</ent> music is played, he is forced to dance on the electric
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carpet. This is one of several uses of the carpet, all of which
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are deemed more effective if the candidate does not know about
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the carpet. The electric-shock sensation is not immediately
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identifiable as such, or so the semiwarped reasoning goes.
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Members may warn the blindfolded candidate to "step high" to
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avoid burning desert sands, barbed wire, or snakebites.</p>
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<p>"A Trip to the <ent type='LOC'>Moon</ent>"
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A member raps his gavel and orders all to be seated. A second
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member replies that there is no seat for himself and one of the
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candidates. They are told to sit on the floor. They sit on a
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spread blanket. As soon as the candidate is seated, the second
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member steps off the blanket. The candidate is told to sing a
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song. The lodge members protest his singing and demand that he
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be punished. All quietly grab the ends of the blanket and toss
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the candidate in the air.</p>
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<p>"The <ent type='ORG'>Barber Shop</ent>"
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A member feels a candidate's chin and calls for a barber. The
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"barber" lathers the candidate, getting foam in his mouth. He
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shaves him with what feels like a very, very rough blade. It's
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a shingle.
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"Boxing Match"
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Two candidates are selected for a boxing match. Belts are
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strapped around their waists. A six-foot rope connects the
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belts so that candidates do not wander blindly off. The boxers
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are given gloves. Unknown to the candidates, a member also puts
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on gloves and gives them occasional jabs from unexpected
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directions.</p>
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<p>"Tug-of-War"
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Two candidates or groups of candidates play tug-of-war. An
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unseen member sets the rope afire in the middle. It burns in
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two, and all fall down -- on the electric carpet, if desired.</p>
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<p>"The Thirst"
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"This neophyte has asked for a drink of water," a member says.
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Another member replies that there is no water. "Then we must
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make water," says the first. Several members urinate in a bowl,
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making sure that the candidate hears. "It is ready," says a
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member. "Drink, and quench thy thirst." The candidate is handed
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a bowlful of warm water and forced to drink it.</p>
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<p>"<ent type='PERSON'>Punkin Pie</ent>"
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This is just a forced pie-eating race, with the candidates'
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hands bound behind their backs. Other gustatory stunts involve
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making the blindfolded candidates eat various non-and quasi-edible materials: INITIATION STUNTS suggests ginger ale
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containing frankfurters and toilet-paper squares.</p>
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<p>"The Shampoo"
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A candidate is told that he must possess three essentials to be
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a member: keen vision, a sensitive touch, and an acute sense of
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smell. An egg is placed in his hand. "What is in your hand?" he
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is asked. The candidate replies, "An egg." "Correct. Now to
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test your sense of smell -- is it a good egg or a bad egg?" The
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candidate answers. "We'll see if you are correct," the member
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says. He crushes an empty eggshell on the candidate's head and
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pours some water on it. He rubs the "egg" in @the candidate's
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hair. Another member holds a bottle of ammonia or other evil-smelling substance under the candidate's nose.
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"The Trained Dog"
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A candidate is told that he must meet <ent type='PERSON'>Fido</ent>, the trained dog. An
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authentic dog is brought in. "<ent type='PERSON'>Fido</ent> snarls at neophytes and
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sometimes bites them in the calf of the leg," a member warns.
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Another pinches the candidate's leg. The dog is placed in the
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candidate's lap. The initiation ceremony proceeds with another
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candidate so that the first believes that attention has shifted
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from him. A member sneaks up on the candidate with the dog and
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trickles some warm water in his lap. He may also hold a smell
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bottle under the candidate's nose. "Naughty <ent type='PERSON'>Fido</ent>!" all scold.
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A variation is the "Bung Hole Test," a standard feature of
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<ent type='ORG'>Shriner</ent> initiations. No dog is required. Two blindfolded
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candidates are directed to opposite ends of a barrel or large
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metal cylinder lying on its side. They are told to crawl into
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the barrel or cylinder. The candidates bump heads in the
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middle. Outside, a lodge member yelps like a dog. Someone
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sprinkles warm water on the candidates' faces through a hole. A
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member yells, "Get that dog out of there! It just pissed in his
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face.!"</p>
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<p>"The Sacred Stone"
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The candidate is told that a "sacred stone" is near his feet.
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He must make a sign of deference by bending over and placing
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his forehead as close to the ground as possible. When the
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candidate bends over, a member paddles him with a paddle
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containing an exploding cartridge. "The Little Rose" test is
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the same thing, only the candidate is told to pick a flower.</p>
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<p>"The <ent type='PERSON'>North</ent> Pole"
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Candidates are forced to climb a greased pole while members
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paddle them. Afterward, a member hands a candidate a piece of
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ice: "Here is your share of the <ent type='PERSON'>North</ent> Pole. Hold on to it as
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long as you can, and pass it on."</p>
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<p>"Molten Lead Test"
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A member warns the candidate that the next test may be
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dangerous if not performed carefully. Proof of a candidate's
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courage and faith in the order is required, the member
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explains. "Is the lead good and hot?" he asks another member.
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"Yes, red hot," he replies. "If you are not a coward, you must
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plunge your hands into a caldron of red-hot molten lead," the
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member tells the candidate. A large pot is set before the
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candidate. It contains any reasonably humane substitution for
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molten lead. If the candidate refuses to put his hands in the
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pot, the others force him.
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</p></xml>
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