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51 lines
1.9 KiB
Plaintext
51 lines
1.9 KiB
Plaintext
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Honorable Secretary of Agriculture
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Washington, DC
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Dear Sir:
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My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check
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for $1,000.00 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I
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want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.
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What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind
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of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs
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not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in
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keeping with all government policies. I would prefer not to raise
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Razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I
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will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.
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As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be keeping
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an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.
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My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the futures of the
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business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and
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the best he ever made on them was $422.00 in 1968, until this
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year, when he got your check for $1000.00 for not raising hogs.
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If I get $1,000.00 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000.
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for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at
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first, holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised, which
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will mean about $80,000.00 for the first year. Then I can afford
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an airplane.
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Now another thing, these hogs that I will not raise, will not
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eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you pay farmers
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not to raise corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not
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raising corn and wheat not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going
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to raise?
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Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so
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send me any information you have on that also.
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In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be
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totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food
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stamps.
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Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.
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Patriotically yours:
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xxxxxxxxx
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P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute
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more free cheese??
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