From: goldsman@CC.GATECH.EDU (Mike Goldsman)
Subject: Quote List *** New and Improved ***
Date: 25 May 92 18:42:14 GMT


Due to the recent flurry of activity in our favorite arena, we
have all been supplied with new fodder for our jokes...

Here goes... The new stuff is at the bottom.

I have decided that these quotes lose a lot when you can't hear and
see them on videotape.  During Prime Time Live last thurday 
yesterday, they showed a bunch of these.

For example, 

"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific.  It is IN
the Pacific.  It is a part of the United States that is an island that 
is right here."

(one of my favorites)  becomes funnier 100x over when you can
see Danny struggling to turn what started as a nonsensical comment
into anything other than a nonsensical comment, failing miserably in
the attempt, and then looking ill after he has realized how he sounded.

Remember, I'm always looking for more!

-Mike

============================================================================
Quayle Quotes                                      Last updated May 25, 1992
============================================================================
Thanks to:
     James Allenspach   jima@buhub.bradley.edu 
     Ken Tubman         dprkmt@arco.com 
     David K. Poulsen   poulsen@csrd.uiuc.edu
     Subodh Bapat       mailrus!uflorida!rm1!bapat@uunet.uu.net 
     Tim Dodge          dodgeT%moravian.edu@relay.cs.net
     David Ruderman     ruderman@sbcs.sunysb.edu 
     Ron Dippold        rdippold@drzeus.qualcomm.com
     Tim Antonsen       antonsen@hpcndaw.CND.HP.COM 
     Dave Goldsman      sman@zomboy.isye.gatech.edu
     JV Heiskanen       jvh@mits.mdata.fi 
     Matt Thomas        tbirds@atlas.unm.edu
     Matthew Wall       wall@cc.swarthmore.edu 
     Stephen C. Miller  stcmille@copper.ucs.indiana.edu
     Yngve Raustein     raustein@athena.mit.edu
     Forrest Cahoon     cahoon@cs.umn.edu 
     Jeff Frane         gummitch@techbook.com 
     Michael L. Cole    mlcole@nevada.edu
     Lisa Henn          lisa@boa.cis.ohio-state.edu 
     Eric McCaughrin    mccaughe@cad.berkeley.edu 
     Daniel Ashlock     Danwell@iastate.edu
     Al Clark           clark@netcom.com 
     Phil Corless       apucorle@idbsu.idbsu.edu
     Deb Whiteney       dwhitney@hamp.hampshire.edu
                        dstephen@cmsa.gmr.com

and me

     Mike Goldsman      goldsman@cc.prism.gatech.edu

Please send me any additions/correction to me...

============================================================================
Bobby Knight told me this: 'There is nothing that a good defense 
cannot beat a better offense.'  In other words a good offense wins.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle comparing the 
                   offensive capabilities of the Warsaw Pact
                   with the defensive system of NATO

Why wouldn't an enhanced deterrent, a more stable peace, a better
prospect to denying the ones who enter conflict in the first place
to have a reduction of offensive systems and an introduction to
defensive capability.  I believe that is the route this country
will eventually go.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

Mars is essentially in the same orbit... somewhat the same distance from the
Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals,
we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If
oxygen, that means we can breathe.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific.  It is IN
the Pacific.  It is a part of the United States that is an island that 
is right here.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle,
                  Hawaii, September 1989

What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind.  Or not to have a mind
at all.  How true that is.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle winning friends while
                   speaking to the United Negro College Fund

You all look like happy campers to me.  Happy campers you are, happy
campers you have been, and, as far as I am concerned, happy campers you
will always be.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the American Samoans,
                   whose capital Quayle pronounces "Pogo Pogo"

Quayle stumbled in response to a question about his opinion of the
Holocaust. He said it was "an obscene period in our nation's history."
Then, trying to clarify his remark, Quayle said he meant "this century's
history" and added a confusing comment.  "We all lived in this century,
I didn't live in this century," he said.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

We expect them [Salvadoran officials] to work toward the elimination
of human rights.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

El Salvador is a democracy so it's not surprising that there are many voices
to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans... I have heard a
single voice.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and
democracy - but that could change.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president,
and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the Phoenix Republican
                  Forum, March 1990

It's rural America.  It's where I came from.  We always refer to ourselves
as real America.  Rural America, real America, real, real, America.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

Target prices?  How that works?  I know quite a bit about farm policy.
I come from Indiana, which is a farm state.  Deficiency payments -
which are the key - that is what gets money into the farmer's hands.
We got loan, uh, rates, we got target, uh, prices, uh, I have worked
very closely with my senior colleague, (Indiana Sen.) Richard Lugar,
making sure that the farmers of Indiana are taken care of.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle on being asked to
                   define the term "target prices."
                   Quayle's press secretary then cut short the press 
                   conference, after two minutes and 30 seconds.

Why wouldn't an enhanced deterrent, a more stable peace, a better
prospect to denying the ones who enter conflict in the first place
to have a reduction of offensive systems and an introduction to 
defensive capability.  I believe that is the route this country
will eventually go.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

I not going to focus on what I have done in the past
what I stand for, what I articulate to the American people.
The American people will judge me on what I am saying and what I 
have done in the last 12 years in the Congress.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed
without them in 'Red Storm Rising'.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

The US has a vital interest in that area of the country.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle Referring to Latin America.

Japan is an important ally of ours. Japan and the United States of 
the Western industrialized capacity, 60 percent of the GNP,
two countries. That's a statement in and of itself.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

Who would have predicted... that Dubcek, who brought the tanks in in
Czechoslovakia in 1968 is now being proclaimed a hero in Czechoslovakia.
Unbelievable. 
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle
                   Actually, Dubcek was the leader of the Prague Spring.

May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world.
                -- The Quayle's 1989 Christmas card. 
                   [Not a beacon of literacy, though.]

Well, it looks as if the top part fell on the bottom part.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to 
                   the collapsed section of the 880 freeway after
                   the San Francisco earthquake of 1989.
                   [this may be a joke; the source is unclear.
                      but it's still funny]

getting [cruise missles] more accurate so that we can have precise precision.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to his legislative
                   work dealing with cruise missles

I can identify with steelworkers. I can identify with workers that 
have had a difficult time.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing workers at 
                   an Ohio steel plant,1988

[I will never have] another Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy,
Jimmy Carter, Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy Carter grain embargo.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle during the Benson debate

Certainly, I know what to do, and when I am Vice President -- and
I will be -- there will be contingency plans under different sets of
situations and I tell you what, I'm not going to go out and hold a news
conference about it. I'm going to put it in a safe and keep it there! Does
that answer your question?
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle when asked what he 
                   would do if he assumed the Presidency,1988

Lookit, I've done it their way this far and now it's my turn. I'm
my own handler. Any questions? Ask me ... There's not going to be any more
handler stories because I'm the handler ... I'm Doctor Spin.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to press reports
                   his aides having to, in effect, "potty train" him.

I would guess that there's adequate low-income housing in this
country.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

The real question for 1988 is whether we're going to go forward to
tomorrow or past to the -- to the back!
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

We will invest in our people, quality education, job opportunity,
family, neighborhood, and yes, a thing we call America.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988

We'll let the sunshine in and shine on us, because today we're
happy and tomorrow we'll be even happier.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988

We're going to have the best-educated American people in the
world.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

This election is about who's going to be the next President of the
United States!
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988

       Don't forget about the importance of the family. It begins with
the family. We're not going to redefine the family. Everybody knows the
definition of the family. [Meaningful pause] A child. [Meaningful pause] A
mother. [Meaningful pause] A father. There are other arrangements of the
family, but that is a family and family values.
       I've been very blessed with wonderful parents and a wonderful
family, and I am proud of my family. Anybody turns to their family. I have
a very good family. I'm very fortunate to have a very good family. I
believe very strongly in the family. It's one of the things we have in
our platform, is to talk about it.
       I suppose three important things certainly come to my mind that we
want to say thank you. The first would be our family. Your family, my
family -- which is composed of an immediate family of a wife and three
children, a larger family with grandparents and aunts and uncles. We all
have our family, whichever that may be ... The very beginnings of
civilization, the very beginnings of this country, goes back to the family.
And time and time again, I'm often reminded, especially in this
Presidential campaign, of the importance of a family, and what a family
means to this country. And so when you pay thanks I suppose the first thing
that would come to mind would be to thank the Lord for the family.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

No, I had no problem communicating with Latin American heads of state -
though now I do wish I had paid more attention to Latin when I was in
high school.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle
                

...Buzz Lukens took that fateful step...
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle confusing the sexual
                   assaulter/congressman with Astronaut Buzz Aldren.

Ok, I won't open it until then
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle after having been 
                   presented with an empty box that was to contain 
                   a gift from a sailing team in South America. 
                   He was told that the gift was not ready yet, 
                   but that it would be presented to him when they 
                   arrived in the United States. 

During the White House Easter Egg Roll of 1991, Quayle signed autographs
using only his finger. He had prepared pre-signed cards which his aides
handed out while he made signing gestures. This allowed him
to move briskly and efficiently through the crowd, said his spokesman.

Dan Quale, in April 1991, was concerned that his advisors
may be getting out of touch with "Real Americans." In order
to combat this, he suggested that they read People magazine.

People that are really very wierd can get into sensative positions
and have a tremendous impact on history.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

I'm going to be a vice president very much like George Bush was. 
He proved to be a very effective vice president, perhaps the most effective
we've had in a couple of hundred years.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

The loss of life will be irreplaceable.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle 
                   after the San Francisco earthquake

I have made good judgements in the Past. 
I have made good judgements in the Future. 
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

Let me tell you something. As we were walking around in the store, Marilyn
and I were just really impressed by all the novelties and the different types
of little things that you could get for Christmas. And all the people that
would help you, they were dressed up in things that said 'I believe in Santa
Claus.' And the only thing that I could think is that I believe in
George Bush.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle at a garden center and 
                   produce store in Baltimore (from the Los Angeles Times, 
                   Douglas Jehl, November 6, 1988)



It's a very valuable function and requirement that you're performing,  
so have a great day and keep a stiff upper lip.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle
                   remarks to oil spill clean-up workers at Prince 
                   William Sound, May, 1989

The President is going to benefit from me reporting directly to him
when I arrive.

                -- Vice President Dan Quayle
                   remarks to oil spill clean-up workers at Prince 
                   William Sound, May, 1989

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.  It's the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle


We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We 
have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

I would not have married Dan Quayle had I not thought he was an equal to me.
                -- Marilyn Quayle


I could take this home, Marilyn. This is something teenage boys might find of
interest.
               --Vice President Dan Quayle, when purchasing a South 
                  African Indian Doll that, when lifted, dislpays an erection.

When you make as many speeches and you talk as much as I do and you get away 
from the text, it's always a possibility to get a few words tangled here and
there
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle defending himself
                   (LA Herald Examiner 10/3/88)

Public Speaking is very easy.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle to reporters in 10/88

I happen to be a Republican president- ah, the vice president.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle (Newsweek 4/9/90)

I've never professed to be anything but an average student.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle during the 
                   VP debate in Omaha, Nebraska (10/88)

The other day [the President] said, I know you've had some rough times, and I
want to do something that will show the nation what faith that I have in you,
in your maturity and sense of responsibility. (He paused, then said) Would you
like a puppy?
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle (LA Times 5/21/89)

In George Bush you get experience, and with me you get- The Future!
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle in eastern Illinois 
                  (LA Times 10/19/88)

I've been told to keep my remarks relatively brief. I understand Quayle-hunting
season begins at noon.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle to a crowd in Eau Claire, Wisc.
                  (LA Times  10/16/88)

The destruction, it is just very heart-rendering.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle attempting to say the 
                  SF earthquake wreckage was heart-rending     
                  (Newsweek 10/30/89)

I spend a great deal of time with the President. We have a very 
close, personal,loyal relationship. I'm not, as they say, a potted 
plant in these meetings.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle defending himself 
                  (Tampa Tribune-Times  1/7/90)

When I talked to him on the phone yetserday. I called him George rather than 
Mr. Vice President. But, in public, it's Mr. Vice President, because that is 
who he is.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle shortly after being named 
                  Geo. Bush's running mate (8/28/88 the NY Times).



I'm glad you asked me that. This gives me the perfect
opportunity to talk about the problems with this Congress...
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to reporter's
                   questions about his use of Air force 2 to
                   go on golf trips at the cost of $26,000/hour

I love California, I practically grew up in Pheonix
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will,
never, never surrender to what is right

                -- Vice President  Dan Quayle, in a speech 
                   to the Christian Coalition

Maybe you guys will get lucky this year and face the Orioles in the 
World Series
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle encouraging the Milwaukee
                   Brewers after throwing out the opening pitch of the
                   season.  (5/3/92 Sunday Detroit News)
                
Do you treat them with DDT?
                
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle asking doctors at an
                   AIDS clinic about their treatments of choice.
                   (Reported on Paul Harvey)

The cause of the riots were the rioters
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle giving an intelligent 
                   analysis of the LA riots.
 
It's immoral to parent irresponsibly... And it doesn't help 
matters any when prime time tv, like "Murphy Brown", a character 
who is supposed to represent a successful career woman of today, 
mocks the importance of the father by bearing a child alone, 
and calling it just another "lifestyle choice." Marriage is 
probably the best anti-poverty program there is...
Even though our cultural leaders in Hollywood, network TV, the
national newspapers routinely jeer at [such values] I think most of 
us in this room know that some things are good, and other things are wrong.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the 
                   Commonwealth Club of San Francisco and criticizing
                   Murphy Brown's decision to NOT have an abortion
                   and to be a single (highly successful) mother.
                   When told about Quayle's comments, a senior 
                   Bush campaign official replied only "Oh, dear." 

   
I think especially in her position, a highly successful professional 
woman, it would be a real exception to have an unwed child. 
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle to The Chron's Jerry Roberts.

I don't watch it, but I know enough to comment on it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle defending his opinions about
                   the TV show "Murphy Borwn" [Las Vegas RJ 21 May 92]

The intergenerational poverty that troubles us so much today is 
predominantly a poverty of values.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of
not having it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle
